Brevity

I mustn't write for long on here, because my life is busy and complicated and far too too messy to discuss in a short amount of time.

Actually, it's not. It's the same as always, school school school school.

But then again, today is not the same. I find myself as a brick wall today, unpenetrated by change or struggle. There is nothing that right now phases me, yet at the same time, I find myself incredibly pensive. Rare, in such times. Normally, I put off any thoughts that are not school related or football related until breaks, but today is different. The air is different. The very sentiment of the day is different. Like something's is here that is not supposed to be here.
For a very physical minded being, I'm being very metaphysical today. I hate being metaphysical because all it does is cause distraction.

Part of me is urging myself to escape from school for a while and to go find commonality. I know I'm being very vague and nondescript, but I hate being too detail oriented in such a public realm.

If we dial the clock back three years, I'm on the edge of impending and monumental change, and I don't know it. I suppose that I get sentimental about these things generally. Three years ago began these rapid, fluctuating, and dynamic cycles in my life, cycles that drove me into my state of balance that I had always longed for. My world three years ago was chaos and now it is control. Every fiber of who I am is controlled, even that within me which is spontaneous, is controlled. Part of me is excited and part depressed.

I look back on the past and wonder where I have been and where I am going now. THe future is somewhat dark, but it at least is stable. My experiences have given me the kind of potential I have always longed for, and now, it is only up to me to grasp my potential.

I came to terms on Friday with these last three years. A synthesis of reason and emotive impulse came to fruition.

Two months ago, more or less, I felt a change on the horizons, and I thought that it had gone away, but in fact, it has not. The sense of deep personal change has in fact already come to fruition, I just needed to see it, and now I have.

With this energy, I must turn it into productivity for now. I must look towards opportunity and personal advantage and not forget about my potential. When this semester is over, I can be more introspective.