Such right now is the story of my life. Ironically, this is the point of the semester when lots of grades sort of start to come in, and so far, they've all been fantastic. I think in the last two weeks, I've gotten something like 15 grades and the lowest was a 90% (my genetics quiz that was worth only 10 points-plus I get to drop my lowest score) and my highest has been a 104%.
Despite those successes, there are two really glaring things that are really leading to a more pronounced upset for me. First, of course, is and always will be thesis. I just feel like a stupid shit when I read these other people who have written on the topic and that I am utterly and completely incapable of doing this thing. I mean, how are my ideas supposed to mean anything when it comes to scientific analysis and what really counts. No matter what I write, scientists will keep doing whatever the hell it is that they are doing now, and philosophers would only ridicule me.
The second is work. I feel like a stupid shit there too, even more so than with my thesis, because I feel like I'm a detriment to the department. I made a mistake this week that wasn't critical, but it was something that could potentially be critical, and I had no idea I was making it. So my boss was getting a little huffy with me because I wasn't really sure what I was doing with a lot of this stuff. Basically, I really would like to cry right now, given the fact that in everything that I do, I'm basically sucking big time right now.
I wish my life didn't have to be like this. Sigh.
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