Wishing

There are so many things that I would love to do; so many places I could go, so many things to finish up. Right now, at this moment, I feel like I'm going nowhere, making no accomplishments, slowly becoming one of those people with so much potential, but that's all.

I feel some kind of impending sense of failure, as if all these efforts I have made my enitre life are waste, as if my decisions, my desires, rather than helping me, are hurting me in the long run.

I swear, I am not doing enough. I am not accomplishing enough. What I have done, compared to other people everywhere is nothing. My accomplishments are essentially failures, and my goals are those of children.

It is in this ambience of self-denial and self-depracation that I utterly exist. Deep down, I know that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I will, in the end fail. I'll be such a disappointment, that it's not even funny. I will lose the game.

I can feel my very life slipping away, the minutes that go by and the experiences that are lost, the possibilities gone. I am not going to be anyone, I am not going to do anything worth remembering by anyone.

Sadly, that's what I want more than anything. To be an accomplisher, to be this amazing person, and I'm just not.