Recovering, slowly, yet hopefully, surely

So I think my immune system is finally starting to do its job by kicking whatever I've got's ass. I don't have many flu symptoms left anymore-my only issue is the coughing. Even my post-nasal drip issue is starting to work its way out of my body, so all I really have to do is (I would think) cough up what mucus is left in my chest, get a little sleep, and the flu should be kicked.

I decided last night that I don't really want to get a minor in business stuff, so I'm not going to do that. I'm going this summer to just take the history and japanese classes and work in the lab. I'm going to start putting my grad apps together, work, and save more money.

The money thing is going to have to be a big point of focus for me over these next couple of semesters, because I basically have like $400 to my name right now. I would like to use my own money to pay for what's left of my college for this summer, so I will probably have to save around $800, I hope. That should be doable. Then in the fall, I would only have more languages, maybe a biology elective or two, and my history thesis, and the undergraduate part of my life is done. Scary...

In MASSIVELY exciting news today, I got my first biostats test back (you know, the one I can't remember taking) and I got a 104 on it!!! Overwhelming excitation comes over me at the thought that I have once again resumed my role as a curve-buster.

All the grading I have left to get back this week is my last biochemistry quiz and my genetics lab that I turned in last week, both of which I should at least get an A on. Hopefully. I could use some A's.

There's been a lot of talk around about how grades are really inflated nowadays, and I certainly think that in some cases it's true. However, I have to claim, fully and completely, that I have earned every last A that I've gotten, except maybe one or two where I probably should have gotten an A- instead (that Kant and the Enlightenment class being my leading candidate).
I hope that my record shows the amount of effort that I have put into my education and how much I deserved my grades.

This semester will probably be the one that I work the hardest and the first where I still come up short. My thesis is a nagging example of how unlikely it is for me to maintain a 4.0. If, somehow, I do manage to keep my A's, then I should have no trouble getting into grad school, and any rejection will be completely unwarranted.

Tonight I have a genetics lab to finish, and some much needed sleep to get. I know I should work on it right now, but I really don't want to do so.

Um, I should though. Bye.

SICK

I am sick of being sick.

Yesterday, I was actually doing pretty decently for the vast majority of the day. Good enough where I probably could have gone to school, but I didn't.

Today though, I feel like crapola. I think I made the mistake of taking an expectorant (something like Mucinex) yesterday afternoon and it kept me up all night coughing. Then I've been taking coughing supressants that are also decongestants (which I really don't want), so basically what I'm doing is making my body secrete more mucus to go down my throat so that it can get coughed up later, only problem being that the supressant prevents it from getting coughed up.

Juicy details indeed, but I am so blech with all of this I can scream.

I have a biochemistry quiz tomorrow that I'm supposed to be studying for, but I just cannot focus, due to continued blech in my head.

In good news, the summer schedule came out today. This is basically what I can choose from:

JPNS 101: Japanese I
HIST 300: History of the End of the Ancient World
INFS 110: MS Office and Project Applications (ugh, required for the business minor)
MKTG 300: Principles of Marketing
ORMG 330: Intro to Management and Organization

Those bottom three might be totally whacked if I decide not to go for the business minor. That marketing class probably will have to be cut because it interferes with History, and I would prefer to have as few a number of classes as possible this fall. I'm going to wait and see what PPCC comes out with first before making any final decisions on summer classes, since PPCC is less than half the cost of UCCS.

SO that's it for now. I need to focus on biochem now.

Blech, sick again

I have not written on here in a while, thanks to a little bugger called the flu. Bollocks.

Why did I have to catch the flu? It's like the worst disease, after mono, I suppose, to have during the school year.

I was totally waylaid on Saturday and throughout most of the day on Sunday. Fortunately though I didn't start coming down with it until Thursday night when most of the week was already over.

Right now, I'm on the upswing again physically. However, it is cautiously. I am not going to school at all today (missing biochem and French) because I don't want to take the chance that I plunge again and then I'm hosed. I'm also only going to the bare minimum of classes on Tuesday and Wednesday (just biostats and biochem because there are a test and a quiz respectively that I have to do, and French because I cannot afford to miss two days in a row of that class). Fortunately, I have two classes on Wednesday that are not meeting, so then besides the two today I am missing, I'm not going to logic tomorrow morning. I'm not going to stress too much about getting up really early, because sleep is what I need the most right now.


I really need to study and get caught up on my philosophy resources now that I'm feeling a little better. Damn disease has set me back at least 4 or 5 days on everything. I'd be ahead of schedule now if it wasn't for this goddamn flu. Sod it all.

Hope on the horizon

I must express a certain level of shock about mostly positive developments over the last five or six hours.

1) I got a 92% on my biochemistry test. Not terribly impressive, but given that I only really studied for it the morning of, I'll take 92.

2) My thesis advisor said my ideas so far are REALLY good. Only problem is that I have 7-ish pages and I need 10 for tomorrow because I said I would get 10. Grr. I don't really know what else to say, to be honest.

3) My French and Logic tests were not that hard, easy, really.

4) I REALLY REALLY want to go to England for a Master's in my fantasy mind.

5) I've got most of my homework for this week done, soon it will be time to hit next week's HW.

Yeah, that's all right now really.

Rugged Disappointment

There's something about this semester that just isn't the same as last. I feel like my semester is absolutely devastating me, and it's only like 4 weeks through the damn thing.

That leaves me only 1/4 of the way through it all, and here I am, certain that failure is creeping into my life.

I am always tired now. Not just at night, but throughout the day. I am so exhausted by each day's developments that I barely have any energy to do anything at night, which forces me to do the majority of my homework on weekends. This leaves absolutely no time for me in most days.

I need something positive to light things up over this next week, lest I desire to strangle myself.

Replica

I have not been able to write in here in almost a week. Stunning, yes, but not overly unexpected, largely because I have had little to discuss. Right now, I have so many problems with school, that I barely have time to write anything in here anyways.

Good news things of this last week:
1. I have real direction on my thesis, whereas before, I definitely lacked that kind of direction.
2. McCain did, in fact, claim the trifecta, as well as a rash of support in Louisiana that promises in the convention this week to assign him delegates that Huckabee won't be getting. It looks like he may hit the 1191 mark this week with Romney throwing his delegates to McCain and WI, WA, and LA assigning delegates this week. If it's not enough, then we can basically sit on our hands between now and March 4 while we wait for Texas, Ohio, Vermont, and Rhode Island to cut Huckabee's political throat this year.
3. Watching the Vicar of Dibley has saved my sanity.

Bad news things this week:
1. I don't think I did that great on biochemistry exam.
2. Even though I have direction on my thesis, I am REALLY far behind on it already. I'm supposed to have a draft done my Spring Break, and right now, I think I may only be able to get maybe 85% of the way there by then.
3. I'm like really behind on getting paid because UCCS has not processed me in my new position yet, and that back pay problem means that it will all be paid to me at one day, when I can have all kinds of money taxed on me. I'll be paid like 600+ dollars, but a lot of those will be withheld for tax purposes.

Major decisions this week:
1. I am going to go full blown effort into getting one of the three big scholarships for Americans to study in Britain (Marshall, Rhodes, and Fulbright). If I get accepted for one of those scholarships, I will at least get my Master's over in England instead of here.
2. The research I'm doing in this lab is going to carry me majorly far if we get published. I have to be very hush-hush about the whole scientific business, but what we're working on may be huge.
3. I may have to take the GRE over again. My verbal scores are not impressive at all, and the math ones could probably go up a little.

Time to go back to working.

Only Tuesday?

Sigh. It's only the second day of the week, and here I am, desperately wanting it to be like 3 weeks from now. Or 6. Spring break sounds like such a luxury, yet it will be spent largely on driving and work.

I have a HUGE biochemistry test tomorrow that is making me feel like blah. I haven't studied too much for it, and won't until tonight after I get home from work.

I really really need a vacation. I may write more as the night goes on, but right now, I think I'll divert myself towards my homework due Thursday so tomorrow night can be slightly relaxing for me.

I'm going to go now. Here's to hoping that McCain wins the trifecta tonight.

Wishing

There are so many things that I would love to do; so many places I could go, so many things to finish up. Right now, at this moment, I feel like I'm going nowhere, making no accomplishments, slowly becoming one of those people with so much potential, but that's all.

I feel some kind of impending sense of failure, as if all these efforts I have made my enitre life are waste, as if my decisions, my desires, rather than helping me, are hurting me in the long run.

I swear, I am not doing enough. I am not accomplishing enough. What I have done, compared to other people everywhere is nothing. My accomplishments are essentially failures, and my goals are those of children.

It is in this ambience of self-denial and self-depracation that I utterly exist. Deep down, I know that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I will, in the end fail. I'll be such a disappointment, that it's not even funny. I will lose the game.

I can feel my very life slipping away, the minutes that go by and the experiences that are lost, the possibilities gone. I am not going to be anyone, I am not going to do anything worth remembering by anyone.

Sadly, that's what I want more than anything. To be an accomplisher, to be this amazing person, and I'm just not.

Only 3 months to go?

So today marks the point where 100 days remain between today and the end of this semester. I feel like such an amount of time is such a great distance that I may never make it to the end. Indeed, with 22 semester hours and about 20 hours of work a week, I am at the virtual end of my rope.

I had a really good idea for the research we're doing in the lab (I think), but I have not heard anything in recent weeks.

I decided for my biology seminar presentation, I'm going to present the article on bees that I did for my methods in immunology class last semester. The thing with the other class was that I presented something different (like what I would do if I was a researcher, not so much what the actual research was). That's a comfort, because now I don't have to think about what to do for that class, and I can soon make an outline for a presentation, and then slowly make a presentation. Then I don't have to worry about the class again, basically, until I give the presentation.

I did a lot of homework for school, not so much for work, this weekend, as I've gotten mostly caught up on the school department. For the rest of tonight, I can have the opportunity to knock out maybe 3 or 4 resources, followed by a similar number tomorrow. I have an outline of my thesis work, and every time I finish a book, I get to highlight it, and it's incredibly exciting. Actually, the more research I do, the more I get the feeling that I'm getting somewhere with my thesis and I can get some idea of how the whole evolving will work out. I have a good feeling that I'll have a finished draft by the time May comes, but I just am not sure it will be good enough to earn an A. I'm a biologist now, not a philosopher. My ideas are not good ones. They're just ideas with little logic and less convincing.

This week looks to be kinda meh, mostly because of my biochemistry exam on Wednesday, for which I MUST study more than I already have done. Next week is even worse because I'm supposed to have another ten pages of my thesis done by next Wednesday on top of the three tests I have on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. The scary thing is that I have so much stuff due between now and Spring Break, and that's only six weeks away.

I kind of feel like crying when I think about my life.

I must admit that I've been feeling a certain amount of confusion about what I should do next year, partially because I have so little that I HAVE to do. I mean, I've already taken my GRE's and did acceptably on them. I'm not doing the Spanish minor now, and I'll be done with my Philosophy and Biology ones by the end of this semester. This summer then will be taking French III, Japanese I at community college, probably, some history upper division elective, and in all likeliness the environmental analytical chemistry course that's going to be offered at the very end of summer over a two week period. However, there are so many possible chemistry options that I can take this fall, I hear, that I may not need to do so. That leaves classes for fall at maybe French IV, if PPCC offers it, Japanese II, my history thesis, and my chemistry electives. On top of that, the only thing I can think to do is work.

Spring presents a bigger conundrum because I'll be totally done with school, except for potentially more French electives and Japanese III.

So I've been thinking about my options given that. The first is to spend the time really getting my grad school applications sparkling, really showing that my research, my biology experience, my four majors, and my 4 languages will be enough to get into grad school, doing all of the interview I'll get (which will probably be one or two at most). The second one I've been considering is to apply for the Rhodes Scholarship, but I've looked at the website and I don't really have an idea of how the application process works. I think I have to ahve my degree by Oct 1, 2009, but something about that doesn't seem right, since I get it almost a year ahead of time. The third, and probably the one that makes the least sense, is to go for a Master's in something here that can help me in the future. Of course, of all the options available at UCCS, the only one that I could possibly get is an MBA, and I don't see how that can help me in anything.

Perhaps I should just keep working and save up a bunch of money. I really would like to do something though.

Sigh, I must work on my thesis now.

Je deteste

I am really starting to hate my life right now. I need at least 48 hours off from school, and life, and everything, and I'm definitely not going to be getting that at any point in the next 14 weeks. Dammit, why do I have to intentionally hurt myself in such manners?

I fuckin' hate it when I do this to myself, because for a whole semester, I'm this flying bitch from hell. I'm ready ust to go to a block system for the rest of the semester, to do as much as I can as fast as I can, and then to be done.

Je deteste ma vie.

Then politics today are frustrating. Between Obama and Clinton I prefer her, and she's basically going to lose all three states today, by pretty healthy margins. I just don't think Obama will make a good president, because 1) he lacks experience, 2) I have no idea what his ideas are, I've looked all over for them, and I've found nothing, all I get is "change this" and "change that". He's got nice rhetoric, but I fear he lacks substance!, and 3) I just don't trust him. There's something behind all the fanciness that is suspicious. At least with Hillary, she's honest. She wants to tax the hell out of us for universal health care, aka, I'm going to learn how to treat wounds with plants and shiza because I'm not going to get any medicine.

fuckola, Obama won all three states. Shit. He's probably going to win all three on Tuesday unless Hillary pulls out a miracle. I'm going to have to pull for a Clinton to win. Then it looks like Huckabee might win all three. too

I seriously will LEAVE the country if Huckabee wins the total election. I will change citizenship to Switzerland and never come back to America.

I am also incredibly frustrated with my thesis. I feel like I have too many ideas, and it may screw me. Plus I have all these resources to go through. Ugh.

I hate my life right now.

Meh

I have had so little excitement this last week, it's not even funny. Well, politically speaking, the fact that Romney got his butt kicked was exciting, and that pretty much every conservative in CO is boo-hooing, including a certain GOP chairman of El Paso county who irritates the daylights out of me, based on a long and unpleasant history with his family. Such events are also upsetting to lame radio people like Rush Limbaugh who are part of an old and dying guard. There is a sense of distinction between the tried and failed bigotries of previous generations, and slowly has emerged a movement towards sense and pragmaticism as opposed to the typical behaviors that we have seen in our parents' and grandparents' generation.

Anyways, tomorrow are votes in Washington, Kansas, Louisiana and Nebraska. I think it'll mostly be a round-up for McCain-easy win in WA, probably easy in Kansas, and Louisiana is probably going to go 50/50. The more interesting thing is the dems, and I don't know that Hillary can avoid being swept. Nebraska will probably follow the lead of all its neighboring states and go for Obama, Louisiana has a heavy black population that will vote for Obama soundly, but Washington looks like Hillary may be competitive there with a history of pro-female voting. Maine I would think would go for Hillary, but you can never know these things.

Work this weekend promises to be challenging. I have three labs to catch up on, still, and that should take decent chunk out of one of my days this weekend.

I also have an exorbitant amount of petty homework and an excessive amount of invovled thesis research which promises to ruin my life. I intend on getting it all done, of course, but I do not long for the days when these things pick up again (aka, Monday).

I splurged today-I first paid off my current credit card bill, of 417.95, only to put another 132.25 on there. Gr. Oh well, I got paid today and will be again in two weeks, which should help things out a little.

Time to go to work (job #3).

Top ten things I need right now:

1) At least 8 hours of sleep.
2) My thesis to write itself
3) A five day weekend so I can catch up on all of my school stuff
4) A paycheck
5) Credit card debt to disappear
6) A vacation
7) Alcohol
8) Really happy people to shove it for a while
9) Colorado Republican tears (Romney's not going to win much of anything, suck it up!)
10) Not to see people who I know on the tele.

Elections are exhausting for those of us watching them.
Life is exhausting for those of us living it.

So I've gone through 5 more research books, and desperately hoping to get 2 more done sometime tonight. I of course also have to edit my first chapter that i've written so far, which is at best going to make it up to eight pages.

Huckabee won West Virginia, which surprised me, but not made me upset. I actually would like him to win a few states, because that means Romney won't win as many. Cruel, but true.

McCain is barely leading in Georgia as I write this, and I wonder if West Virginia in some way did not affect the outcome in many southern states.

So, I don't feel like writing that much now. I suppose I should go through my constant cycle of reloading elections data.

Life of few accomplishments

This weekend was disastrous towards my goals of getting things at least somewhat done. Keep in mind that list of thigns I had to do this weekend. I got a lot of the mundane little things done last Thursday, but beyond that, very little.

I do have 5 pages of my thesis written so far, and I'm supposed to have ten by Wednesday. I will work on it between biochemistry and French tonight, and then I'm going to edit it tomorrow. However much I have is how much I have. When I take in what I have done, I'll say that I did as muc has I reasonably could. She knows how much work I am doing, and hopefully will understand as to why I have very little done.

Wednesday is actually amazing because I have no class until 5:55 at night. All of my other classes for that day have been cancelled. Hotness. I'll be spending most of the day in the lab, probably, doing antibody staining and such.

I should also mention that I got a reasonable amount of my genetics lab done, which is good. The professor of the course is so laid back it's not even funny, so I should expect reasonably good grades. We have like 425 points in the course, of them 50 are just participation and showing up, and 100 of them are weekly math quizzes (making solutions, determining densities, etc.). I think I should easily get an A in that class. Keep in mind, when I took genetics, I got a 102% in the class overall.

So today's agenda is simple: work on lab write up from last week (I'm almost done), biochemistry class, big long break for thesis work, and finally French.

This week's agenda actually is really simple, come to think of it. I have very few thigns occupying my time.

The biggest two developments this week are in fact last night, which included the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl, which was possibly the most amazing 15 minutes of football I've ever seen, and tomorrow's Super Tuesday results. I took a look at CNN's Super Tuesday polling, and I'm shocked at what's going on on the Democrat side. The rate of Obama's ascendance is particularily alarming. I will reiterate my idea: Obama is a good person, intelligent, and represents a certian future of politics. He will probably be elected for higher positions in the future. The great problem is his lack of experience. If I was a Democrat more interested in the well being of this country than worrying about who is more electable, I would have to go for Hillary, just because she has that experience. If Obama is elected, he will be fighting constantly with his staff because he wants things one way and the tried and tested staff will want something else. The fact that Obama and Hillary are tied, for all intents and purposes means that the real focus shifts to Feb 12 states: Virginia, Maryland, and Washington D.C. I see a split result here too: Hillary should win at least Maryland, and maybe Virginia too (more even balance of white and black Democrats here), while Obama will win D.C. So then the real emphasis has to get pushed to Texas and Ohio, the two states that will probably determine the Democrat nomination. If the two are STILL tied, then Pennsylvania, which votes in April, determines the nomination.

Things on the Republican side are all but finalized. McCain has HUGE leads in New York, Connecticut, Delaware, Arizona, and New York, all five of which are like Florida, winner take all states. That's 252 uncontested delegates for McCain, and only 1100 are necessary to win.

I have some early Super Tuesday predictions:

McCain wins: Arizona, New York, Connecticut, New Jersey, Delaware, Illinois, Minnesota, North Dakota, Missouri, Georgia, Oklahoma, Montana, and most importantly, California.
Romney wins: Utah, Massachusetts, Colorado, Alaska, and West Virginia
Huckabee wins: Arkansas, Tennessee, and Alabama

That should give McCain about 627 delegates, in addition to his current 97, that should give him 724 delegates towards nomination, out of the 1100 needed. I think that should be enough to make the other two drop out, but if it isn't, there are contests in Kansas, Virginia, Maryland, D.C., Louisiana, and Washington where he can win in the week after S.T. I do not see the Republican race going strong all the way to Texas and Ohio.
Romney should get at least 200 delegates, and Huckabee will probably only get about 100.

On the Democrat side, I honestly see about a 50-50 split of the delegates available which should give Hillary and Obama around 900 each.

I need to get ready for school, and stop talking politics.

It's FEBRUARY!!!! That means I have reasonably three and a half months left in this semester. Unfortunately, I've only gone through two weeks of school. I have all of February to survive, and it looks like Feb will be my most stressful time. Mostly because I get no breaks and there aren't any in sight. My blogger is suddenly refusing to allow me to have paragraphs. How sad. So, whoever reads this is now forced to read me as one big, long drolling paragraph now. I did get some of my homework done, which is a very good thing. I have no logic or French homework left to do for the beginning of the week, and this morning I have every intention of finishing my homework for biostats this week. Other things on my agenda are obviously more work on my thesis (i.e., my ten pages) and writing up my labs. Lab lab lab. That's a continuing development for sure.

Hah! I figured out how to do paragraphs! I have to do Shift+Enter now instead of just enter. Muahahahahaha.

So today in other factors is the Maine caucus for Republicans, and I have to hope that McCain wins there too. I think he's going to take the lion's share of delegates, because Romney just is losing support everyday. He's failed to garner any major endorsements whereas McCain gets like 6 or 7 a day. He may very well be right when he says "the nomination may be over by Tuesday". I hope he is.

Obviously then, it's time to start considering his veep. Lieberman won't do it, as it has been discussed. I think picking a younger person would be smart, given McCain's age. So I have to hope that he picks Condi for Veep. I just have to hope for it.

Travaille!