ANTH 104--A
PES 111--A
HIST 300--A
BIOL 302--A
BIOL 321--A
CHEM 332--A
CHEM 334--A
BIOL 370--A
HIST 453--A
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
At this second, at this time, I realize that there is nothing in the universe I enjoy more than causing myself angst and immense pain.
I'm sitting in the library waiting for my appointment with impending death.
My heart rate is right now literally around 120 beats per minute and I am desperately trying not to be perfusely sweating or visibly anxious.
I'm basically running into a wall at 120 mph now, and I can feel the years being sucked off my miserable life.
If it was not for music, I would be literally dead right now. Like, fall over with a heart attack dead.
By the way, my anthro grade? Still not posted. How rude.
Ok, going to die now.
I'm sitting in the library waiting for my appointment with impending death.
My heart rate is right now literally around 120 beats per minute and I am desperately trying not to be perfusely sweating or visibly anxious.
I'm basically running into a wall at 120 mph now, and I can feel the years being sucked off my miserable life.
If it was not for music, I would be literally dead right now. Like, fall over with a heart attack dead.
By the way, my anthro grade? Still not posted. How rude.
Ok, going to die now.
Monday, May 21, 2007
This Ain't a Love Song
Um, so the last couple of days have been kinds of weird.
I still have not heard a damn thing about my anthropology grade, which is extremely rude. I am so glad I'm taking anything from that man ever again. He's such an incompetent teacher, it's not even funny. How can you not report a grade within two weeks of taking a 35 question multiple choice final? Senseless.
Saturday was pretty casual, as I spent the morning frantically making food and then spending the rest of hte day eating.
Sunday was a little more complex, as I actually exercised, but that night is more what I am interested in discussing. It was my sister's best and brightest reception thing. Fortuantely, some people that I REALLY didn't want to see were not there. However, I did run into someone who I did not anticipate on seeing. I had to dodge that whole priest thing again. If only everyone in the Colorado Springs universe who thought that today I'm the same person I was two years ago could only see me now. I'm bascially the antithesis of what I was then. Sometimes, I wish I could just go with the whole brazen "I don't believe in an afterlife, so it would make no sense for me to be one", but like Elizabeth I, I understand the value of diplomacy. Times like that are incredibly important for diplomacy.
Today would have been totally normal except for the little email I got this morning. Yeah.....
I had been torn between wanting a meeting and not, and after I sent hte email, I had a shit moment, hoping for a Tivo rewind moment. I had nto heard anything for like 4 days, so I was thinking I would not hear anythign at all, and I had just gotten to where I was done being all disappointed with not getting the award, and now I'm going to have to conjure all of that up again. I also have to remember what hte hell I was going to say, because I forgot all of that too.
At least I get my final.
Winds of change signal
That the world's spin is only
waiting for me now
I still have not heard a damn thing about my anthropology grade, which is extremely rude. I am so glad I'm taking anything from that man ever again. He's such an incompetent teacher, it's not even funny. How can you not report a grade within two weeks of taking a 35 question multiple choice final? Senseless.
Saturday was pretty casual, as I spent the morning frantically making food and then spending the rest of hte day eating.
Sunday was a little more complex, as I actually exercised, but that night is more what I am interested in discussing. It was my sister's best and brightest reception thing. Fortuantely, some people that I REALLY didn't want to see were not there. However, I did run into someone who I did not anticipate on seeing. I had to dodge that whole priest thing again. If only everyone in the Colorado Springs universe who thought that today I'm the same person I was two years ago could only see me now. I'm bascially the antithesis of what I was then. Sometimes, I wish I could just go with the whole brazen "I don't believe in an afterlife, so it would make no sense for me to be one", but like Elizabeth I, I understand the value of diplomacy. Times like that are incredibly important for diplomacy.
Today would have been totally normal except for the little email I got this morning. Yeah.....
I had been torn between wanting a meeting and not, and after I sent hte email, I had a shit moment, hoping for a Tivo rewind moment. I had nto heard anything for like 4 days, so I was thinking I would not hear anythign at all, and I had just gotten to where I was done being all disappointed with not getting the award, and now I'm going to have to conjure all of that up again. I also have to remember what hte hell I was going to say, because I forgot all of that too.
At least I get my final.
Winds of change signal
That the world's spin is only
waiting for me now
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
So Close to Knowing
So, all of my grades are supposed to be posted literally today, and I right now have 25 hours posted. If everyone remembers, I took 28 hours this semester.
So what is the big hold up, Mr. Anthropology? Why is my grade not reported right now?
By the way, Physics I: A.
Not that this was unexpected, or anything.
So far, I have 25 A's. 3 ?'s.
I just checked again, no anything.
Utterly perplexing, how a professor who only had to grade multiple choice exams could not report a grade for a class that I finished almost two weeks ago. I mean, how difficult is it to do that?
So, seriously today was kind of meh. I actually got my hair cut today, so that I no longer look like the Neanderthal of the mountains. I actually grew balls to actually go into an office to meet with someone for just the second time, and it was a total bust. Sent an email, but no response, which is not shocking for me because it took me three days to send mine.
Basically, I think I'm assisting in sticking a giant stick up my ass. The fact that I am so intimidated so easily does not help matters very much. I mean, I'm dealing with someone who comes from Harvard. I'm po-dunk high school, po-dunk college. I've not amounted to anything important thus far in my life.
Anyways, what else did I do today? Hm, nothing too important. Grey's Anatomy was not as exciting as I had hoped that it would be. I only have Desperate Housewives this weekend.
Still nothing. How can this man keep his job? Turning in grades at the last minute is pretty much inexcusable, in my opinion. This comes from someone who cares about nothing except grades.
I am considering trying to find a job. There's a pretty nice looking one for the hospital, where I would have to work at the medical records facility on Nevada Avenue (I went there before when I was volunteering at Penrose hospital, not exactly the most welcoming of places, I assure you) from 6 AM to 10 AM, and I would be paid $10/hour. I dunno. I would get to work totally by myself, which is really nice, but at the same time, it involves a lot of driving, and we know that Ray gets some not very nice road rage.
I need a breakthrough
Some coincidence of fate
and understanding
So what is the big hold up, Mr. Anthropology? Why is my grade not reported right now?
By the way, Physics I: A.
Not that this was unexpected, or anything.
So far, I have 25 A's. 3 ?'s.
I just checked again, no anything.
Utterly perplexing, how a professor who only had to grade multiple choice exams could not report a grade for a class that I finished almost two weeks ago. I mean, how difficult is it to do that?
So, seriously today was kind of meh. I actually got my hair cut today, so that I no longer look like the Neanderthal of the mountains. I actually grew balls to actually go into an office to meet with someone for just the second time, and it was a total bust. Sent an email, but no response, which is not shocking for me because it took me three days to send mine.
Basically, I think I'm assisting in sticking a giant stick up my ass. The fact that I am so intimidated so easily does not help matters very much. I mean, I'm dealing with someone who comes from Harvard. I'm po-dunk high school, po-dunk college. I've not amounted to anything important thus far in my life.
Anyways, what else did I do today? Hm, nothing too important. Grey's Anatomy was not as exciting as I had hoped that it would be. I only have Desperate Housewives this weekend.
Still nothing. How can this man keep his job? Turning in grades at the last minute is pretty much inexcusable, in my opinion. This comes from someone who cares about nothing except grades.
I am considering trying to find a job. There's a pretty nice looking one for the hospital, where I would have to work at the medical records facility on Nevada Avenue (I went there before when I was volunteering at Penrose hospital, not exactly the most welcoming of places, I assure you) from 6 AM to 10 AM, and I would be paid $10/hour. I dunno. I would get to work totally by myself, which is really nice, but at the same time, it involves a lot of driving, and we know that Ray gets some not very nice road rage.
I need a breakthrough
Some coincidence of fate
and understanding
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
American is one fuck up of a country
How can this country pick Blake "I can't sing and I also don't have any teeth" Lewis over Melinda "Awesomeness of the universe, the woman who probably could have brought world peace, the end of poverty, and the dawn of like a complete artisitic revival" Doolittle?
I'm just so perplexed at the incompetence of the American public.
Basically, Americans need to be sterilized now. No more offspring for Americans, so that we won't have any more stupid children to take after our stupid selves.
Ugh. I am so freaking disappointed. I could just slap every teenage girl silly.
Anyways, despite my enormous dissatisfaction with American Idol (which I now vow never ever ever to watch again)...
I am going to grow balls tomorrow. Basically, I'm going to have to kill myself at some point, but hopefully the rest of my grades come in before then.
I got two more grades:
Ancient Egyptian History: A
Ecology: A
Certianly expected those to be A's. I still have to hear about Anthropology and Physics, and then I'll have a complete semester. 21 A's, and 7 hours that cannot be less than a B, means that at this point, I'm somewhere around a 3.75. Aka, Ray is guaranteed to at least be on the Dean's List, though nothing would be better than the president's list.
I'm going to go mope now. Bye.
I'm just so perplexed at the incompetence of the American public.
Basically, Americans need to be sterilized now. No more offspring for Americans, so that we won't have any more stupid children to take after our stupid selves.
Ugh. I am so freaking disappointed. I could just slap every teenage girl silly.
Anyways, despite my enormous dissatisfaction with American Idol (which I now vow never ever ever to watch again)...
I am going to grow balls tomorrow. Basically, I'm going to have to kill myself at some point, but hopefully the rest of my grades come in before then.
I got two more grades:
Ancient Egyptian History: A
Ecology: A
Certianly expected those to be A's. I still have to hear about Anthropology and Physics, and then I'll have a complete semester. 21 A's, and 7 hours that cannot be less than a B, means that at this point, I'm somewhere around a 3.75. Aka, Ray is guaranteed to at least be on the Dean's List, though nothing would be better than the president's list.
I'm going to go mope now. Bye.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Oh My God, Part II
So I've been getting some of my final grades in, and so far things look good to be one of my most successful semesters in the history of forever.
Human Physiology (!): 93.35% A (No A- crap, a nice SOLID A)
Cell Biology: A
Organic Chemistry: A
Organic Chemistry Lab: A
Civil War and Reconstruction: A
I still have yet to hear about my final grades in Ancient Egyptian History, Anthropology, Physics, and Ecology. Things look good for Ray to have a 4.0 GPA while carrying one of the most massive credit loads in the history of forever.
So, only four classes left.
I think I should expand on my sequence of seriously deranged posts because I have been all ARGH all day. First, I was all upset because I had no idea how I did on my physiology final, on which I ended up getting a 93%, so Ray got an A in the class by seriously 4 points. Anyway, Ray is pleased with that now.
Essay for AEH was kind of argh as well, but I tightened that up and fixed it and all jazz.
Then after that, things kind of went downhill. By kind of I meant REALLY badly downhill. As in catastrophically downhill.
So far downhill that involved me eating a pint of ice cream, about 1/5 a bag of chips, a lot of high calorie carbo bars, and an apple. I thought I should throw something health-like in there.
I don't know how much I want to go into it, but basically, what happened was that I went outside and found Cece and complained about my terrible nature of existence, and then went up to find an office with no occupancy. So I came home and sent and email that went like this:
Dr. Wolkow,I went to your office earlier today (around 1:30 PM) and you were not there. I do not plan on going by campus again until Wednesday or Thursday.I appreciate your willingness to discuss with me your reasoning behind the department award, and I understand that there are criteria beyond grades that help determine the most deserving candidate. That being said, if you consider that there is something particularly serious that you believe I should know, then I would be willing to come into your office at some point of your convenience. I appreciate that you considered me for such a distinction.Sincerely,Raymond
I get one back two hours later that goes like this:
Hi Raymond, I do not pretend to know you or your personality from a one semester course in a large classroom...that said, I have known many other really intelligent students who fail after college because they do not express themselves. I know that you could have added a lot to the class and chose not to. Whatever your reasons, I just encourage you to think differently. Participate and share your thoughts with others, because the ideas of students like you will determine where our world is headed. If it means anything, I have never said anything like this to another student before, This is just a letter of encouragment, and I look forward to seeing you around! Tom
Um, omg. I don't know what to say, still after five hours of having this.
Basically, I'm not too happy right now. There's so much I could say, but in the end I'm just defeated.
I still want my final though, and I'm trying to convince Kristina to get mine for me.
I think I'm going to let this stir for a while before I try to determine how or even if I should respond. It's so confusing.
Human Physiology (!): 93.35% A (No A- crap, a nice SOLID A)
Cell Biology: A
Organic Chemistry: A
Organic Chemistry Lab: A
Civil War and Reconstruction: A
I still have yet to hear about my final grades in Ancient Egyptian History, Anthropology, Physics, and Ecology. Things look good for Ray to have a 4.0 GPA while carrying one of the most massive credit loads in the history of forever.
So, only four classes left.
I think I should expand on my sequence of seriously deranged posts because I have been all ARGH all day. First, I was all upset because I had no idea how I did on my physiology final, on which I ended up getting a 93%, so Ray got an A in the class by seriously 4 points. Anyway, Ray is pleased with that now.
Essay for AEH was kind of argh as well, but I tightened that up and fixed it and all jazz.
Then after that, things kind of went downhill. By kind of I meant REALLY badly downhill. As in catastrophically downhill.
So far downhill that involved me eating a pint of ice cream, about 1/5 a bag of chips, a lot of high calorie carbo bars, and an apple. I thought I should throw something health-like in there.
I don't know how much I want to go into it, but basically, what happened was that I went outside and found Cece and complained about my terrible nature of existence, and then went up to find an office with no occupancy. So I came home and sent and email that went like this:
Dr. Wolkow,I went to your office earlier today (around 1:30 PM) and you were not there. I do not plan on going by campus again until Wednesday or Thursday.I appreciate your willingness to discuss with me your reasoning behind the department award, and I understand that there are criteria beyond grades that help determine the most deserving candidate. That being said, if you consider that there is something particularly serious that you believe I should know, then I would be willing to come into your office at some point of your convenience. I appreciate that you considered me for such a distinction.Sincerely,Raymond
I get one back two hours later that goes like this:
Hi Raymond, I do not pretend to know you or your personality from a one semester course in a large classroom...that said, I have known many other really intelligent students who fail after college because they do not express themselves. I know that you could have added a lot to the class and chose not to. Whatever your reasons, I just encourage you to think differently. Participate and share your thoughts with others, because the ideas of students like you will determine where our world is headed. If it means anything, I have never said anything like this to another student before, This is just a letter of encouragment, and I look forward to seeing you around! Tom
Um, omg. I don't know what to say, still after five hours of having this.
Basically, I'm not too happy right now. There's so much I could say, but in the end I'm just defeated.
I still want my final though, and I'm trying to convince Kristina to get mine for me.
I think I'm going to let this stir for a while before I try to determine how or even if I should respond. It's so confusing.
Oh My God.
Um, I could literally kill something right now. Ok, not literally. Ok not killing anything. However I could vent magnaminous amounts of rage and hostility right this second. I could scream from the top of my lungs.
However, I won't because there is a land called Passive-Aggresiva and I am their king.
I ate a pint of ice cream today. I could use another pint...of something else.
I feel the need to go someplace right now. I might be back later? If I don't go kill myself in shame.
However, I won't because there is a land called Passive-Aggresiva and I am their king.
I ate a pint of ice cream today. I could use another pint...of something else.
I feel the need to go someplace right now. I might be back later? If I don't go kill myself in shame.
Into the Fray
OMG. I just finished like everything left for the semester. Physiology final was ok. It's going to be a down-to-the wire thing. I know that I missed at least one question, and I was kind of unsure on about 5 more. If that's the case, then I get an 89%, and that's exactly what I need, however, I always miss a couple more than I intend, so I mean, it's going to be within 5 points whether I get an A or an A-.
Egyptian History essay is not too bad now, I have a couple of organization things and a couple of sentences that are awkward, but I got some quotes and all my citations in, the nasty language is cleaned up so my paper sounds more formal, and Melinda Doolittle is saving my life.
I'm giving my heart a massive attack because I'm still not really sure if I'm going in or not.
I'm basically going to die.
Egyptian History essay is not too bad now, I have a couple of organization things and a couple of sentences that are awkward, but I got some quotes and all my citations in, the nasty language is cleaned up so my paper sounds more formal, and Melinda Doolittle is saving my life.
I'm giving my heart a massive attack because I'm still not really sure if I'm going in or not.
I'm basically going to die.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Clouds Do Not Have Silver Linings
Wow, the response to my last post was so helpful. I know I can count on the internet universe to bestow its great wisdom on me.
I'm still not too sure whether I should or not. I'm agonizing a lot about this, when at the same time, I have to worry about my essay (major suckage) and my final tomorrow.
I have over 100 notecards for this damn physiology test. I hate physiology. I hate having to get a 90% on my final to get an A. I'm pretty much guaranteed to get at least an A-, as I would have to literally fail the final to get less than that, but still. I want that goddamn A.
I am so fucked up right now, it's not even funny.
Have a nice day.
I'm still not too sure whether I should or not. I'm agonizing a lot about this, when at the same time, I have to worry about my essay (major suckage) and my final tomorrow.
I have over 100 notecards for this damn physiology test. I hate physiology. I hate having to get a 90% on my final to get an A. I'm pretty much guaranteed to get at least an A-, as I would have to literally fail the final to get less than that, but still. I want that goddamn A.
I am so fucked up right now, it's not even funny.
Have a nice day.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
HELP
Do I go in?
Hi Raymond, I just wanted to tell you that you are a really really good student; in fact you outperformed every fall and spring semester student with respect to exams. I would like to tell you why I decided to give the award to a different student...if you are interested, please come by my office anytime. If you are out of town or can not come by for any reason, please call me 262-3663. tom
I don't know. If whoever reads this could give me their opinion, I would appreciate it! Thanks.
Hi Raymond, I just wanted to tell you that you are a really really good student; in fact you outperformed every fall and spring semester student with respect to exams. I would like to tell you why I decided to give the award to a different student...if you are interested, please come by my office anytime. If you are out of town or can not come by for any reason, please call me 262-3663. tom
I don't know. If whoever reads this could give me their opinion, I would appreciate it! Thanks.
Melinda Doolittle=HOT. She needs to win American Idol now.
Two things left to do for this semester: Physiology test and Ancient Egyptian History essay. I need to do one today. I think I'll do the essay, because I want all day tomorrow for that test.
So I got an email saying that I basically suck at life and that I didn't get the Cell Bio award. Suffice it to say, I was expecting that, so I'm not too disappointed.
I used my credit card for the first time yesterday to sign up for my CLEP test.
Last night was awesome.
This morning is not.
Two things left to do for this semester: Physiology test and Ancient Egyptian History essay. I need to do one today. I think I'll do the essay, because I want all day tomorrow for that test.
So I got an email saying that I basically suck at life and that I didn't get the Cell Bio award. Suffice it to say, I was expecting that, so I'm not too disappointed.
I used my credit card for the first time yesterday to sign up for my CLEP test.
Last night was awesome.
This morning is not.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Making it
Finals are going ok so far. I've gotten two final grades in already, I got a 98% in O-Chem lab and a 98.5% in O-Chem lecture after getting a 96% on the ACS final, not bad for not studying.
My fingers are pretty much numb in my right hand after all the writing I have done in the last few days. Hopefully, since I only have one final tomorrow (which is multiple choice), I can get a welcome respite.
Friday=FOCO, which will be a welcome change to the pace of 28 hour-dom.
I'm riding an espresso high right now, which requires that I do some more studying for ecology tomorrow. Anyone care to hear about coyote hunting strategies?
My fingers are pretty much numb in my right hand after all the writing I have done in the last few days. Hopefully, since I only have one final tomorrow (which is multiple choice), I can get a welcome respite.
Friday=FOCO, which will be a welcome change to the pace of 28 hour-dom.
I'm riding an espresso high right now, which requires that I do some more studying for ecology tomorrow. Anyone care to hear about coyote hunting strategies?
Monday, May 7, 2007
My Last Post
This is basically the last time I will be writing anything for the next few days, given that I have enough finals to kill a horse. Right now, I'm ready for Anthropology, Civil War, and Organic Chemistry. That's three of this week's seven finals, which bodes badly for me, especially considering that I have two tomorrow for which I have not even begun to study. That is serious badness.
So, I should discuss my grades for the last time as well. I have my current grades, my guaranteed grades, and what I need to get on the final to get an A in the class:
HIST 300: Current Grade: 100%. Guaranteed Grade: 50%. Grade on final: 86%.
HIST 453: Current Grade: 100%. Guaranteed Grade 80%. Grade on final: 65%.
BIOL 302: Current Grade 99.5%. Guaranteed Grade: 67.8%. Grade on final: 71%.
BIOL 370: Current Grade: 91.3%. Guaranteed Grade: 69.5%. Grade on final: 86%.
BIOL 321: Current Grade 93.56% Guaranteed Grade: 83.50%. Grade on final: 89%.
CHEM 332: Current Grade: 98.6% Guaranteed Grade: 88.5%. Grade on final: 30%
CHEM 334: A GUARANTEED.
PES 111: Current Grade: 97.6%. Guaranteed Grade: 78.65%. Grade on final: 75%.
ANTH 104: Current Grade: 106%. Guaranteed Grade 80.55%. Grade on final: 65%.
Basically, I'm kind of feeling good and I'm kind of freaking out. It's a happy medium.
Alright. Major study time. Wish me luck!!
So, I should discuss my grades for the last time as well. I have my current grades, my guaranteed grades, and what I need to get on the final to get an A in the class:
HIST 300: Current Grade: 100%. Guaranteed Grade: 50%. Grade on final: 86%.
HIST 453: Current Grade: 100%. Guaranteed Grade 80%. Grade on final: 65%.
BIOL 302: Current Grade 99.5%. Guaranteed Grade: 67.8%. Grade on final: 71%.
BIOL 370: Current Grade: 91.3%. Guaranteed Grade: 69.5%. Grade on final: 86%.
BIOL 321: Current Grade 93.56% Guaranteed Grade: 83.50%. Grade on final: 89%.
CHEM 332: Current Grade: 98.6% Guaranteed Grade: 88.5%. Grade on final: 30%
CHEM 334: A GUARANTEED.
PES 111: Current Grade: 97.6%. Guaranteed Grade: 78.65%. Grade on final: 75%.
ANTH 104: Current Grade: 106%. Guaranteed Grade 80.55%. Grade on final: 65%.
Basically, I'm kind of feeling good and I'm kind of freaking out. It's a happy medium.
Alright. Major study time. Wish me luck!!
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Impending Death
I'm basically going to die here in the next week, just so that you know.
I have seven finals this week:
Monday: Anthropology 4:30-7:00 PM
Tuesday: Ancient Egyptian History 1050-130 PM
Cell Biology: 140-420 PM
Civil War and Reconstruction: 430-705
Wednesday: Organic Chemistry 1050-130 PM
Physics: 140-420
Thursday: Ecology 800-1030 AM
Followed by two things the next Monday which right now are basically faint blips on my radar.
So, I am a little surprised right now because I got a 94% on my last case study (insert rage and hostility here) and a 100% on my last lab to bump my physiology grade to a 93.01%. Talk about cutting it close. Of course, once our points that ahve not yet been added are added, I then will have a 93.56%, which is not so close.
I would express my disappointment more appropriately, but I really don't have that much time to do so.
I think that I probably should have gone to work last night instead of the chemistry thing. I've seen for the first time how people when they are sober have generally more control, but as blood alcohol levels raise, they start acting differently. I always knew that alcohol was a pretty much bad thing unless you have like one glass ofwine or one beer (I hate beer, so that's out of the option) or one margarita or something that equals one shot. These people had like 3 or 4 beers on top of margaritas. I think some people were not getting that the chemistry professors were there. Ok, that did not make much difference, since they were getting loose. I think there were three or four of us who did not really get involved in that looseness of mental control.
I think I'm already on someone's hit list for next semester. I'll find out as it starts.
I'm so freaking tired, it's not even funny right now.
I think part of my problem is that I pride myself so much on my control over emotions and expressing myself articulately (like not ending sentences with propositions or using the passive voice--my pet peeves). I am not someone who enjoys "kicking back" and being casual. I put so much effort into presenting myself as someone with strong maturation and complex interests. Our society puts so little value on formality (which I always consider whenever I am in public) and on diverse and complex interests like those of the Renaissance. I'm trying to bring back the value of the Renaissance here, and almost no one appreciates that.
Did I tell you I finally registered, and I'm not changing anything right now?
Here's what I'm doing:
Physical Chemistry
Analytical Chemistry
Biochemistry
Genetics
Immunology
Early Medieval Europe
Spanish Grammar
Introduction to French I
Celestial Seasoning's Goji Berry Pomegranite Green Tea earns ten points in my book. Definitely good tea.
Ok, so I definitely need to get to studying today. Today's agenda is: OChem at 3 with Cece, Ancient Egyptian history the rest of the day.
I have seven finals this week:
Monday: Anthropology 4:30-7:00 PM
Tuesday: Ancient Egyptian History 1050-130 PM
Cell Biology: 140-420 PM
Civil War and Reconstruction: 430-705
Wednesday: Organic Chemistry 1050-130 PM
Physics: 140-420
Thursday: Ecology 800-1030 AM
Followed by two things the next Monday which right now are basically faint blips on my radar.
So, I am a little surprised right now because I got a 94% on my last case study (insert rage and hostility here) and a 100% on my last lab to bump my physiology grade to a 93.01%. Talk about cutting it close. Of course, once our points that ahve not yet been added are added, I then will have a 93.56%, which is not so close.
I would express my disappointment more appropriately, but I really don't have that much time to do so.
I think that I probably should have gone to work last night instead of the chemistry thing. I've seen for the first time how people when they are sober have generally more control, but as blood alcohol levels raise, they start acting differently. I always knew that alcohol was a pretty much bad thing unless you have like one glass ofwine or one beer (I hate beer, so that's out of the option) or one margarita or something that equals one shot. These people had like 3 or 4 beers on top of margaritas. I think some people were not getting that the chemistry professors were there. Ok, that did not make much difference, since they were getting loose. I think there were three or four of us who did not really get involved in that looseness of mental control.
I think I'm already on someone's hit list for next semester. I'll find out as it starts.
I'm so freaking tired, it's not even funny right now.
I think part of my problem is that I pride myself so much on my control over emotions and expressing myself articulately (like not ending sentences with propositions or using the passive voice--my pet peeves). I am not someone who enjoys "kicking back" and being casual. I put so much effort into presenting myself as someone with strong maturation and complex interests. Our society puts so little value on formality (which I always consider whenever I am in public) and on diverse and complex interests like those of the Renaissance. I'm trying to bring back the value of the Renaissance here, and almost no one appreciates that.
Did I tell you I finally registered, and I'm not changing anything right now?
Here's what I'm doing:
Physical Chemistry
Analytical Chemistry
Biochemistry
Genetics
Immunology
Early Medieval Europe
Spanish Grammar
Introduction to French I
Celestial Seasoning's Goji Berry Pomegranite Green Tea earns ten points in my book. Definitely good tea.
Ok, so I definitely need to get to studying today. Today's agenda is: OChem at 3 with Cece, Ancient Egyptian history the rest of the day.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Kind of meh right now
I'm not in the best of happy states right now. I have not been all day. I continue to be pretty disappointed in myself.
I'm starting to come to the conclusion that I'm not going to amount to much of anything. Even when I work 12 hours per day seven days per week, I'm still not going to amount to much, because I'm pretty much forever going to be under the shadow of my family members and their expectations (mostly unstated, but I can tell, they are still there). I used to be the one of two guys in my family not to go into the military, but my cousin is enlisting from what I hear, so that means that I'll be the first man in four generations in my family not to go into the military, which I am pretty sure is disappointing to my family. However, I cannot do anything to help that. Aside from my happy personality, my physical conditions are a mess and would immediately disbar myself. Still, even though I could not get in, there's that familial male pressure. Not to mention grandkids/great-grandkids.
As for my expectations for myself, any idiot can tell they're too high. Right now, I am on my low for this semester because I'm disappointed with my grades. Have I mentioned my grades in the last two weeks? I got an A+ on my civil war paper, and he wrote that it was one of the best reconstruction papers he ever read. I got a 97% on my last physics test, a 100% on my last chemistry test, and I was at least considered for the cell bio award. All of that's not good enough. I should have gotten a 102 on that chem test, a 100% on that physics test and I should have studied more and asked more questions in cell so that I would be undisputed #1.
I've freaking lost my edge. I had an edge and now, it's gone. There is no edge, no sense of competition, no anything. I'm not striving for excellence, but I'm settling for mediocrity and it's frankly disgusting. How am I supposed to get into grad school this way? There's no oomph that gets me into grad school besides my resume, and that resume is starting to look weaker each week.
I need to get out of this rut really badly. I have finals starting on Monday, and I cannot afford to be going through this dry spell. I really really really need to kick it into gear. Enough to survive a week and a half, at least.
I wish I could just dedicate myself 100% to school, but I always feel like there are distractions everywhere. I need to find a way to blot out those distractions and focus only on getting ahead.
Season finales really help with that. Amazing Race is done on Sunday, and there are only 2 new episodes of GA, 3 of DH.
Am I getting depressed?
I'm starting to come to the conclusion that I'm not going to amount to much of anything. Even when I work 12 hours per day seven days per week, I'm still not going to amount to much, because I'm pretty much forever going to be under the shadow of my family members and their expectations (mostly unstated, but I can tell, they are still there). I used to be the one of two guys in my family not to go into the military, but my cousin is enlisting from what I hear, so that means that I'll be the first man in four generations in my family not to go into the military, which I am pretty sure is disappointing to my family. However, I cannot do anything to help that. Aside from my happy personality, my physical conditions are a mess and would immediately disbar myself. Still, even though I could not get in, there's that familial male pressure. Not to mention grandkids/great-grandkids.
As for my expectations for myself, any idiot can tell they're too high. Right now, I am on my low for this semester because I'm disappointed with my grades. Have I mentioned my grades in the last two weeks? I got an A+ on my civil war paper, and he wrote that it was one of the best reconstruction papers he ever read. I got a 97% on my last physics test, a 100% on my last chemistry test, and I was at least considered for the cell bio award. All of that's not good enough. I should have gotten a 102 on that chem test, a 100% on that physics test and I should have studied more and asked more questions in cell so that I would be undisputed #1.
I've freaking lost my edge. I had an edge and now, it's gone. There is no edge, no sense of competition, no anything. I'm not striving for excellence, but I'm settling for mediocrity and it's frankly disgusting. How am I supposed to get into grad school this way? There's no oomph that gets me into grad school besides my resume, and that resume is starting to look weaker each week.
I need to get out of this rut really badly. I have finals starting on Monday, and I cannot afford to be going through this dry spell. I really really really need to kick it into gear. Enough to survive a week and a half, at least.
I wish I could just dedicate myself 100% to school, but I always feel like there are distractions everywhere. I need to find a way to blot out those distractions and focus only on getting ahead.
Season finales really help with that. Amazing Race is done on Sunday, and there are only 2 new episodes of GA, 3 of DH.
Am I getting depressed?
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
My lame legacy?
I'm prett sure that the legacy of my life is going to be Mr. Almost. I almost got this scholarship, I almost got that award. I almost have an A in physiology. Almost got there, but just not quite.
I hate being Mr. Almost.
I don't know what's changed in the last two years. I used to be the top of the game. Number one in virtually everything. I was Mr. Competitive. Mr. I'm The One To Beat. Mr. Hell No You Don't Win Because I Already Did.
Something's happened in the last two years that has apparently devastated that. I don't know what the hell it is. I wish I could just freaking have something that could help me stop thinking about this. But it's all I think about all day long. How I used to be great at stuff and now I'm just basicallya bundle of shit.
I'm having some temptations to do some thing right now that I have not done in a long ass time, something that I should probably be doing regularly given my new name as Mr. Almost.
I feel like digging a hole for myself to just jump in and let the earth swallow me whole.
I get my last civil war paper tonight. There's another almost in the wings.
Dammit, I'm so freaking depressed right now, it's not even funny.
I hate being Mr. Almost.
I don't know what's changed in the last two years. I used to be the top of the game. Number one in virtually everything. I was Mr. Competitive. Mr. I'm The One To Beat. Mr. Hell No You Don't Win Because I Already Did.
Something's happened in the last two years that has apparently devastated that. I don't know what the hell it is. I wish I could just freaking have something that could help me stop thinking about this. But it's all I think about all day long. How I used to be great at stuff and now I'm just basicallya bundle of shit.
I'm having some temptations to do some thing right now that I have not done in a long ass time, something that I should probably be doing regularly given my new name as Mr. Almost.
I feel like digging a hole for myself to just jump in and let the earth swallow me whole.
I get my last civil war paper tonight. There's another almost in the wings.
Dammit, I'm so freaking depressed right now, it's not even funny.
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