I've only managed three posts this whole year? That makes me very lame. Because, I don't have any life, I know that I am lame. What have I done in all this time? Lame things as well.

First of all, I spent $560.47 on books today. I still have seven more to buy. Three for my ancient Egypt course, each costing $20, $15, and $12. I have two to buy for the Civil War class, costing $10 and $17, and I still have to buy my physics book, which is going to be about $90, and an Anthropology book, which should cost me about $11.

That means that my second semester book costs are going to be around $750. Seriously? Seriously. OMG.

I think that May It Be is pretty much the best song n the history of forever.

So what have I really been doing? Aside from shooting all my money out the window, I've been doing A LOT of cross-stitching. ALOT.
I did this little one of Mickey, a GUM one, and right now, I am working on this African one. After that, I have a wolf one and a Geisha one that I would like to complete this semester before I buy anything else.

That's my first goal of the week. My second is that tomorrow I am going to drop off the stuff I decided to get rid of at the Arc store and maybe get a haircut. I have not gotten my hair cut in 4 months, so it is rather long. Long enough where I can grab itin the back, but not put a ponytail in or anything, and long enough that it's starting to come down over my ears, which bugs the hell out of me. Since I'm taking 28 credit hours this semester, I do not expect to be getting another haircut in the next 4 months.

Third goal is to go to the dentist to get my sealant put in and to have my tooth filed. Fourth goal is to go to work et. al. on Friday (I have to be gone from 10 AM-7PM between UCCS and the hospital). Fifth is to continue to look for other jobs. Sixth is to look for scholarships, now that most of them should have applications available.

Blah.

Anyways, so my big thing that I was going to discuss the other night. Frankly, it's not that big, but I wanted to mention that recent events have proven to me that I am a keen observer of human behavior and that in order to maintain that ability, I must always have am objective approach to any situation. I'm in the midst of this struggle with myself between destroying most of my emotions and supressing them or to balance between my rational and emotional characteristics. Emotionally, I have this images that I want to embrace--the rebel, the fighter, the opposition, the arrogant, etc.--and rationally, I simply want to analyze situations based on objective evidence.

The question is, do I want to become a Vulcan? If I didn't have the friends and family that I do have, I would do everything I could to purge myself of my emotions. I know that if anything happened to them, I would. And there are some emotions that I do not allow myself to feel. Sadness is one which I have really done what I can to destroy. Between detatching myself from things that trigger that response and a rational approach to those things which do not detach myself from. Anger is one I would like to destroy, but there are things which I simply cannot control my anger towards, namely other people driving, knows while sewing, and religious people who think that they can stuff their beliefs down my throat or that they can mold me in any way.

Towards a lot of the people I went to school with, I would definitely undertake the rational approach. And on matters of grave seriousness, I have always been a very rational person. Part of that rationalism is knowing that I am the only one who can control a lot of circumstances and that in times of stress, I can provide an objective analysis, even to the most minute of details. For example, around this time last year, my uncle, after a long life of drug addiction and alcoholism died at only 55. I had not seen him in more than 11 years, save when he was in the hospital, and my rationalism was quite useful, and I managed to take care of a lot of the small things for my dad, like driving back to here to pick up his meds and trade places with mom and Katie, checking if we could get some in Arizona, packing, loading the car, etc. Had I been emotional, I would not have been able to do that.

I know that when my dad's condition eventually deterioriates (something which I will discuss shortly), I am again going to have to be rational and objective, including knowing that at some point, I am going to have to take his car keys away from him, and help my parents and younger sister move into a wheelchair accessible house.

Now, about his symptoms. Interestingly, he went to the doctor recently, and they told him for the first time in the three years that he has had MS his prognosis. Don't you love the AFA? Anyways, his doctor said that if in the next seven years he does not have another attack, the odds of him having another one in his lifetime are very small, and that given that he does not have one, should have a normal life span. Now, for my dad, this is strange. His brother died at 55, his mother died at 62, and his father died at like 71, the first two from consumed things (alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, etc.), and the third from weird crap. His grandparents on his father's side lived to be 94. So, where is his normal life span? I have no idea. But, this is a good prognosis. I may not have to worry about taking away his keys and house for another 30 years.

I figure that 2007 may not be the best of years. Both of my mom's parents are doing pretty badly with their Alzheimer's and my paternal stepgrandmother is really looking badly. She only weighs like 90 pounds. My aunt is going back to her old ways of borrowing money and not paying it back, and my cousins on my dad's side are probably going to have another round of pregnancies. Get this: I have five first cousins on my dad's side. I have 12 second cousins (which are the children of first cousins, I believe in one definiton). None of my cousins are married, mind you. I have 7 first cousins on my mom's side, and 0 second cousins.

Anyways, I am now rambling. Goodnight.