So this is my 144th post on this blog, which I got at the end of last year, more or less. Pointless tidbit, but still there.
I went to physics and could only stomach about two hours of it, so I left early. I only have Wednesday left and it's the end of physics for me.
I got my French workbook in the mail today--$25 on half.com for an $80 book. Not a bad deal, in all seriousness.
I'm saving serious money this semester on books. Had I bought all of my books new, I would be spending over $1000 on them (I can't say if I buy some used, because the stupid school doesn't list availabilities for books). So far, I've spent $300. I won't be spending anything on Genetics, as Cece is letting me borrow her book (saving me $120), and Kristina is going to look for an older copy of her immunology book, which would save me $60. I saved about $55 on that French notebook, about $30 on the French book, about $55 on my biochemistry book, about $30 on my analytical chemistry book, and about $50 finding all of my history books that I can at the library for checkout. Right there, that's $400, or about 44 hours of work in the lang. tech. center.
My resourcefulness astounds.
I think I mentioned this already, but my books next semester should cost me no more than $200. Tuition should be around $4000 next semester, and hopefully I can get some assistance here or there from scholarships and work-study.
I'm going to have to convince Tony to let me open on the weekends, even if only for like 3 hours. I'm going to be a tri-lingual tutor next year. I'm going to have to be senior.
Reading other people's older blogs certainly makes me lament many things and simultaneously force myself into accepting growing challenges. Right now, I have so little to show for my efforts, but at the end of this spring, I should be so much better off, finishing, hopefully two majors, with trifles left to go in the other two.
And then what?
Sometimes I see all these social activities people do and wish that I could have them too, but when I really examine it, these sacrifices are essential to ensuring my future successes. Cutting off that aspect of my life as much as possible during the school year gives me the opportunity to strive ever higher for greater and greater achievements.
With so much raw potential, how can I not afford to neglect everything else in my life for hte sake of academics? Without these efforts and without my sacrifices, there's no way that I can do what I hope to do with my life. I know all of this is leading somewhere, to something amazing, where my name will go into all sorts of books for generations to look back and see me as just one figure among hundreds in the second renaissance. A scientist, a thinker, a linguist. Just because our society is fragmented and compartmentalized, doesn't mean that the same is true for me. I must be my inspiration.
If only I can do more....
My greatest regret of my life will always be not doing enough.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Sunday, July 29, 2007
So, more on yesterday, I suppose.
I went up to Denver to see Pearl yesterday, which, whenever I see anyone from Regis, leaves me with all kinds of mixed things. Before I get to my diatribe on personal nature, I will briefly mention my physical activities for the day. After waking, I burned the remainder of my Celtic Woman CD's for Pearl and Drew, then making spanakopita (my personal best so far, not one triangle did not come out perfectly). The drive up to Denver was unremarkable, however I do like driving on Hwy. 83 far more than I-25 for scenic purposes, and a reduction of traffic. It just keeps growing, which is somewhat depressing. Denver's arms grasp towards Franktown now, and soon, there will be no space between COS and Denver. Anyways, I got to Pearl's house around 11 AM, and we went shopping (correction, she went shopping, I supervised), walked through a Farmer's Market, sampling a variety of items, including Palisade Peaches, bread varieties, blackberry balsalmic vinegar (amazing concoction), different energy/supplement drinks, coffee, and white chocolate raspberry peanut butter. This was followed promptly by lunch at P.F. Chang's where we had Crab Wontons with a spicy plum sauce, Chang's Spicy Chicken, Sichuan style asparagus, and banana spring rolls. The food was quite excellent, however, the service was somewhat less so. We had inconsistent servers bringing us two drinks, when we already had enough, too many plates, but our food service was somewhat too long. Perhaps the day had started disorganizedly, or such is the typical style of the restaurant. I don't know that I would call the items authentically Asian, as these items had far too much fat and sugar. Authentic ethnic foods focus on the foods themselves, i.e., enliven the asparagus with enough oil to soften it, and with enough spices to accompany it, but don't drown it. We had white rice too, however, I think I would have preferred brown, simply on the basis of better nutrition.
The experience left me craving fundamental health, and I lament that restaurants no longer find health to be a central focus, but rather a possible side item, claiming an item is healthy. For example, when I go to Village Inn, I always order the Fruit and Nut pancakes, with no butter, no syrup, and find the waiter staring at me in disbelief. The menu states that they are healthy for the heart and are lower in calories, however, adding butter and syrup debases both arguments.
Anyways. After lunch we returned to Pearl's house where after failing to initiate a meaningful conversation, we both politely decided in an inconspicuous sort of way that it would be best if I left. I drove through Denver for a while, finding the place completely indesireable to live, and left for home.
It's of course always good to see people, but whenever I see people, I am reminded of the tumultuousness of my life then and how now everything is so different, so routine now. I guess that's part of getting older and more complacent. I have no other choice really to continue with what I am doing with full force.
I find myself with all kinds of different reactions to these events. Essentially, I am ever more convinced that what I have been doing is what is best for me, and that my future can only grow more certain as I cut off other possibilities; however, at the same time, I am nostalgic for such chaos as I once had. The uncertainty of everyday situations was a serious adrenaline rush, and any moment could turn from pleasant anticipation to sheer panic. I had no serious cares, because everything seemed to be taken care of on its own, independently of whatever I did or did not do.
But now there are more responsibilities, more expectations, and more urgency to what I am doing. Everything I do requires my immediate response, from credit card debt, to school, to work, everywhere. The relax and the chaos combined to form this amazing sequence of disorder, one of the few times in my life where so little could be controlled. Compared to now, where my commitments leave me on edge most of the day, and the constant worry of failure precedes every thought that I have.
Caught between the peril of failure and the absolute thrill of success, I find that there is little substance beneath. Determined to make of myself a scientific being, I have gutted what little personality once existed, and my conversations revolve around completely impersonal things. Perhaps this makes me the perfect intellectual: someone who knows everything about everything, but refuses at all costs to acknowledge himself. I find myself in utter disagreement with those who find meaning in their lives. Relationships, emotions, internal awareness...those are the things that create the internal chaos and the thrill that goes with it. I have exchanged these things for more superficial relations on the basis of personal survival, strucutre and logic, complete external awareness. They have given me the consistency I once sought in my chaos, and now, I find that with consistency, the chaos was too exhillirating to abandon. The sheer hours after seeing someone leaves with with moments of chaos again, which might explain why I go up to Denver rather than having people come down here. The few hours I have to drive gives me the pensive capacity to revel in brief moments of chaos, followed by the grim determination of consistency, logic, and the drive to excel.
I once feared the possibility of perpetual existence upon my death, but this drive towards both consistency and towards excelsior has made it so that there is but a singular goal. Once I have achieved such a goal, then life doesn't really matter, nor does it exist. The process has completely removed the possibility for things like souls, spirits, the existential. I have become successful in my fundamental goals regarding my desire to change my philosophy.
I find other things fundamentally different as well. Despite my scientism, I am also an inherent optimist on the economic growth of people as a whole. The stories of nations like Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Peru, Malaysia, India, the United Arab Emirates, Jordan, South Africa, Eastern Europe, etc. going from the third world to veritable economic powers has led me to believe that at some point, all might enjoy basic economic opportunities. Though many of these nations have their inherent inadequacies and inequalities, their track is similar to the United States' track, and with hope, they too can find some equality. I see a responsibility in the rich countires to help the poor countries, and to ensure that people have fulfilled their basic requirements of food, clean water, and adequate shelter.
Therefore, I find it all the more disturbing at the blatant materialism of what I encountered yesterday. The Catholic parish of Our Lady of Loretto in Centennial practiced what I find to be the most severe violation of the ethical principles of the religion. Though I am not much of a practicer of the religion, I am still, generally, a practicer of the ethical tradition. The parish spent four million dollars to purchase a piece of the supposed cross. I emphasize supposed, because there cannot be any evidence to adequately prove that one particular tree the one on which the historical figure hung. Essentially, any reasonable person would look at that purchase and wonder why the people could not have sent that four million dollars to people in inner city Denver, to Malawi, or to some other place ravaged by poverty. Not to mention that the church spent dollars to secure the chair from which John Paul presided over World Youth Day in 1993 (?). Essentially, people who could have used that support to survive died so that posh Denverite Catholics could gaze at a chair and a piece of wood with no INHERENT meaning.
I find this behavior elsewhere among other Christians, such as one local company that aims to provide a Bible for all the people in the world who are suffering when providing them with their basic physical needs.
How essentially wrong. If they were using it to provide a means of helping people help other people (like buying a bus to take volunteers to clean up a park, or to the food shelter, etc.) then I can understand it. But not on wood, paper, and chairs.
I may be spending my money on things like books, education, and gasoline, but it will get me to some point of improvement. I can justify such expenditures. Can they? Doubtful.
I went up to Denver to see Pearl yesterday, which, whenever I see anyone from Regis, leaves me with all kinds of mixed things. Before I get to my diatribe on personal nature, I will briefly mention my physical activities for the day. After waking, I burned the remainder of my Celtic Woman CD's for Pearl and Drew, then making spanakopita (my personal best so far, not one triangle did not come out perfectly). The drive up to Denver was unremarkable, however I do like driving on Hwy. 83 far more than I-25 for scenic purposes, and a reduction of traffic. It just keeps growing, which is somewhat depressing. Denver's arms grasp towards Franktown now, and soon, there will be no space between COS and Denver. Anyways, I got to Pearl's house around 11 AM, and we went shopping (correction, she went shopping, I supervised), walked through a Farmer's Market, sampling a variety of items, including Palisade Peaches, bread varieties, blackberry balsalmic vinegar (amazing concoction), different energy/supplement drinks, coffee, and white chocolate raspberry peanut butter. This was followed promptly by lunch at P.F. Chang's where we had Crab Wontons with a spicy plum sauce, Chang's Spicy Chicken, Sichuan style asparagus, and banana spring rolls. The food was quite excellent, however, the service was somewhat less so. We had inconsistent servers bringing us two drinks, when we already had enough, too many plates, but our food service was somewhat too long. Perhaps the day had started disorganizedly, or such is the typical style of the restaurant. I don't know that I would call the items authentically Asian, as these items had far too much fat and sugar. Authentic ethnic foods focus on the foods themselves, i.e., enliven the asparagus with enough oil to soften it, and with enough spices to accompany it, but don't drown it. We had white rice too, however, I think I would have preferred brown, simply on the basis of better nutrition.
The experience left me craving fundamental health, and I lament that restaurants no longer find health to be a central focus, but rather a possible side item, claiming an item is healthy. For example, when I go to Village Inn, I always order the Fruit and Nut pancakes, with no butter, no syrup, and find the waiter staring at me in disbelief. The menu states that they are healthy for the heart and are lower in calories, however, adding butter and syrup debases both arguments.
Anyways. After lunch we returned to Pearl's house where after failing to initiate a meaningful conversation, we both politely decided in an inconspicuous sort of way that it would be best if I left. I drove through Denver for a while, finding the place completely indesireable to live, and left for home.
It's of course always good to see people, but whenever I see people, I am reminded of the tumultuousness of my life then and how now everything is so different, so routine now. I guess that's part of getting older and more complacent. I have no other choice really to continue with what I am doing with full force.
I find myself with all kinds of different reactions to these events. Essentially, I am ever more convinced that what I have been doing is what is best for me, and that my future can only grow more certain as I cut off other possibilities; however, at the same time, I am nostalgic for such chaos as I once had. The uncertainty of everyday situations was a serious adrenaline rush, and any moment could turn from pleasant anticipation to sheer panic. I had no serious cares, because everything seemed to be taken care of on its own, independently of whatever I did or did not do.
But now there are more responsibilities, more expectations, and more urgency to what I am doing. Everything I do requires my immediate response, from credit card debt, to school, to work, everywhere. The relax and the chaos combined to form this amazing sequence of disorder, one of the few times in my life where so little could be controlled. Compared to now, where my commitments leave me on edge most of the day, and the constant worry of failure precedes every thought that I have.
Caught between the peril of failure and the absolute thrill of success, I find that there is little substance beneath. Determined to make of myself a scientific being, I have gutted what little personality once existed, and my conversations revolve around completely impersonal things. Perhaps this makes me the perfect intellectual: someone who knows everything about everything, but refuses at all costs to acknowledge himself. I find myself in utter disagreement with those who find meaning in their lives. Relationships, emotions, internal awareness...those are the things that create the internal chaos and the thrill that goes with it. I have exchanged these things for more superficial relations on the basis of personal survival, strucutre and logic, complete external awareness. They have given me the consistency I once sought in my chaos, and now, I find that with consistency, the chaos was too exhillirating to abandon. The sheer hours after seeing someone leaves with with moments of chaos again, which might explain why I go up to Denver rather than having people come down here. The few hours I have to drive gives me the pensive capacity to revel in brief moments of chaos, followed by the grim determination of consistency, logic, and the drive to excel.
I once feared the possibility of perpetual existence upon my death, but this drive towards both consistency and towards excelsior has made it so that there is but a singular goal. Once I have achieved such a goal, then life doesn't really matter, nor does it exist. The process has completely removed the possibility for things like souls, spirits, the existential. I have become successful in my fundamental goals regarding my desire to change my philosophy.
I find other things fundamentally different as well. Despite my scientism, I am also an inherent optimist on the economic growth of people as a whole. The stories of nations like Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Peru, Malaysia, India, the United Arab Emirates, Jordan, South Africa, Eastern Europe, etc. going from the third world to veritable economic powers has led me to believe that at some point, all might enjoy basic economic opportunities. Though many of these nations have their inherent inadequacies and inequalities, their track is similar to the United States' track, and with hope, they too can find some equality. I see a responsibility in the rich countires to help the poor countries, and to ensure that people have fulfilled their basic requirements of food, clean water, and adequate shelter.
Therefore, I find it all the more disturbing at the blatant materialism of what I encountered yesterday. The Catholic parish of Our Lady of Loretto in Centennial practiced what I find to be the most severe violation of the ethical principles of the religion. Though I am not much of a practicer of the religion, I am still, generally, a practicer of the ethical tradition. The parish spent four million dollars to purchase a piece of the supposed cross. I emphasize supposed, because there cannot be any evidence to adequately prove that one particular tree the one on which the historical figure hung. Essentially, any reasonable person would look at that purchase and wonder why the people could not have sent that four million dollars to people in inner city Denver, to Malawi, or to some other place ravaged by poverty. Not to mention that the church spent dollars to secure the chair from which John Paul presided over World Youth Day in 1993 (?). Essentially, people who could have used that support to survive died so that posh Denverite Catholics could gaze at a chair and a piece of wood with no INHERENT meaning.
I find this behavior elsewhere among other Christians, such as one local company that aims to provide a Bible for all the people in the world who are suffering when providing them with their basic physical needs.
How essentially wrong. If they were using it to provide a means of helping people help other people (like buying a bus to take volunteers to clean up a park, or to the food shelter, etc.) then I can understand it. But not on wood, paper, and chairs.
I may be spending my money on things like books, education, and gasoline, but it will get me to some point of improvement. I can justify such expenditures. Can they? Doubtful.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
And again, Ray is not keeping up with a daily posting in his blog. I don't think I'll ever get back to the time when I would put three or four posts in a day. It's hard enough to remember to get one in everyday as it is.
I'm slightly depressed for a variety of reasons, including knowing that I can't make Thursday come any faster. Thursday signals the end of all that is physics for all of my life, the beginning of a longer workday and a higher frequency of days worked. I'm in serious need of work, so anything that I can get at school, I will. I've had no luck finding any good weekend work that I can do during the semester. I'm going to try weekend hours with my boss again this semester. I'll suggest that we bring it up when we go into classes and gauge how they'll respond, and that if there's a positive thing, then I'll come in on weekends and work.
I'm also depressed by the lack of accomplishments I have in anything really. I'm so spread out, I just don't know if I'm nailing anything at all.
I don't think I'll get any good research positions, which means I have like no shot at getting into graduate school.
I'll write more about my day later, I'm just so tired right now, it's blah.
I'm slightly depressed for a variety of reasons, including knowing that I can't make Thursday come any faster. Thursday signals the end of all that is physics for all of my life, the beginning of a longer workday and a higher frequency of days worked. I'm in serious need of work, so anything that I can get at school, I will. I've had no luck finding any good weekend work that I can do during the semester. I'm going to try weekend hours with my boss again this semester. I'll suggest that we bring it up when we go into classes and gauge how they'll respond, and that if there's a positive thing, then I'll come in on weekends and work.
I'm also depressed by the lack of accomplishments I have in anything really. I'm so spread out, I just don't know if I'm nailing anything at all.
I don't think I'll get any good research positions, which means I have like no shot at getting into graduate school.
I'll write more about my day later, I'm just so tired right now, it's blah.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
So, it's Wednesday, which means that I had physics today. However, this also means that I only have ONE WEEK of physics left in my entire existence. Between today and the minute of keeling over, I have two sessions of physics. Then physics-ness is non existent. The good news we got today is that our final exam is going to be take home too, so that definitely takes some of the pressure off of me for the next week or so. I only have two more assignments left to complete, and then I'll be in like flint.
Despite having, in all probability, no time next semester to do what I need to do, I feel like haciendo mas que lo hago ahora. No con la escuela, sino con otras cosas fuera de ella. I'l doing enough school as it is already. I don't know, I either want to get a second job for weekends, by which I can save some money for the Spring tuition, which won't be as high as this semester's tuition, but still or I want to do some more volunteer work. I have been looking into S-CAP (Souther Colorado AIDS Project), but it looks like they primarily want people in the middle of the week, and I'll only be available on weekends.
The dollar signs are not looking favorably on me. I should be getting my credit card bill for this month pretty soon, and the charges look nasty. I had about $20 left over from my last bill that I didn't pay off, I have my $60 CLEP test on there, a $30 trunk for my sister, for which I got a cash refund because it was like $10 cheaper in store, and about $300 for books so far. So my credit card will be about.....$400 this time around. I get paid this Friday (about $80) and I can save up my next paycheck, which promises to be around $120 to get rid of about half of that bill. I might dig a little into savings (which is looking woeful as it is now) to get that bill down, because I really don't feel like adding 24 dollars onto my bill in September (on top of whatever charges I make for the rest of my books) for interest. I might just pay the whole damn thing off and then spend the next 5 months using all of my paychecks to get my savings back up to $1000.
In good news, a friend of mine might have the Immunology book I need for this semester to borrow. That would defintiely save me a LOT of money, as I would then only have to worry about books for my history class (for which I have nothing), and the various things that my chemistry professors want me to buy, like lecture notes, lab notebooks, etc.
In additional good news, next semester's books should cost A LOT less than this semester's books, mainly because I'll be using the same book again, especially for Biochemistry, French, and a Spanish one I bought last year. That's 10 hours that will be covered, and I intend on taking more. After reading about the whole Colombian drug cartel thing in News of a Kidnapping, I think I would definitely like to write my history senior thesis on something in Latin America, which means that I would have to buy two pretty cheap and readily accessible books. That would also get me to 13 hours for the semester. I don't know what else I'll take. Definitely Physical Chem II, and probably a bio elective. You're supposed to take fewer semester hours when writing a thesis, so I might listen to sage advice and rachet things down to like 20 hours.
School is definitely complex. Made more complex by money. If I didn't have my parents helping out with all the money they saved for me to go to college, I have no idea what the hell I would be doing. Definitely going into massive amounts of debt. THAT'S for sure.
Yeah, I just looked at my bill for this fall. $6043. Ouch. I'm going to try to pay for some of it on my own though. I'd like to put in at least...$150? I know it's not a lot, but it's something that I can contribute.
I realized looking at jobs, that I really have no idea how to write a resume or a cover letter or any of that. Who's supposed to teach me these things? Is it a parent thing, or something else? I've seen people who get it in their classes and I'm not sure where to find mine.
Yeah, so the whole money thing sucks. I've looked on the UCCS job site, the springsjobs site, and craigslist and no luck. I suppose I should check the classifieds. If all else fails, I'll beg to work every day after Aug 1 in the Lang Tech Center to set up for the fall.
Despite having, in all probability, no time next semester to do what I need to do, I feel like haciendo mas que lo hago ahora. No con la escuela, sino con otras cosas fuera de ella. I'l doing enough school as it is already. I don't know, I either want to get a second job for weekends, by which I can save some money for the Spring tuition, which won't be as high as this semester's tuition, but still or I want to do some more volunteer work. I have been looking into S-CAP (Souther Colorado AIDS Project), but it looks like they primarily want people in the middle of the week, and I'll only be available on weekends.
The dollar signs are not looking favorably on me. I should be getting my credit card bill for this month pretty soon, and the charges look nasty. I had about $20 left over from my last bill that I didn't pay off, I have my $60 CLEP test on there, a $30 trunk for my sister, for which I got a cash refund because it was like $10 cheaper in store, and about $300 for books so far. So my credit card will be about.....$400 this time around. I get paid this Friday (about $80) and I can save up my next paycheck, which promises to be around $120 to get rid of about half of that bill. I might dig a little into savings (which is looking woeful as it is now) to get that bill down, because I really don't feel like adding 24 dollars onto my bill in September (on top of whatever charges I make for the rest of my books) for interest. I might just pay the whole damn thing off and then spend the next 5 months using all of my paychecks to get my savings back up to $1000.
In good news, a friend of mine might have the Immunology book I need for this semester to borrow. That would defintiely save me a LOT of money, as I would then only have to worry about books for my history class (for which I have nothing), and the various things that my chemistry professors want me to buy, like lecture notes, lab notebooks, etc.
In additional good news, next semester's books should cost A LOT less than this semester's books, mainly because I'll be using the same book again, especially for Biochemistry, French, and a Spanish one I bought last year. That's 10 hours that will be covered, and I intend on taking more. After reading about the whole Colombian drug cartel thing in News of a Kidnapping, I think I would definitely like to write my history senior thesis on something in Latin America, which means that I would have to buy two pretty cheap and readily accessible books. That would also get me to 13 hours for the semester. I don't know what else I'll take. Definitely Physical Chem II, and probably a bio elective. You're supposed to take fewer semester hours when writing a thesis, so I might listen to sage advice and rachet things down to like 20 hours.
School is definitely complex. Made more complex by money. If I didn't have my parents helping out with all the money they saved for me to go to college, I have no idea what the hell I would be doing. Definitely going into massive amounts of debt. THAT'S for sure.
Yeah, I just looked at my bill for this fall. $6043. Ouch. I'm going to try to pay for some of it on my own though. I'd like to put in at least...$150? I know it's not a lot, but it's something that I can contribute.
I realized looking at jobs, that I really have no idea how to write a resume or a cover letter or any of that. Who's supposed to teach me these things? Is it a parent thing, or something else? I've seen people who get it in their classes and I'm not sure where to find mine.
Yeah, so the whole money thing sucks. I've looked on the UCCS job site, the springsjobs site, and craigslist and no luck. I suppose I should check the classifieds. If all else fails, I'll beg to work every day after Aug 1 in the Lang Tech Center to set up for the fall.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Subtract one more day from my physics life people because I'm down to 3 sessions until the end of all that is physical.
Ok, not really since I have physical chemistry this fall, but you get the idea.
Actually today was one of those kind of meh days. I DID manage to find my Green Tea ice cream that I had been looking for in vain for the last two weeks; however I am slightly disappointed. It tastes more like soy milk than it does like green tea. Frankly, I would rather have regular ice cream and then have some green tea afterwards or something like that.
I'm kind of blah with it being so close to the end of the semester, that I am just drained, more or less. I have my take home test to do over the next two days, and that should not be much difficulty. After finishing it, I should be somewhere around a guaranteed 81% in the class, and I would only have to get a 65% on the final to get an A in the class. After that, I'll be working most of the rest of the summer in the LTC, getting it set up for this fall. I'm going to hope for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings for work, but I'll probably only get like 4 hours of week per week again, which will be disappointing.
At least I get paid though, which is not disappointing at all. I've been really needing to make some money, especially to pay for my school books. I know I'm going to have to spend at least $100 more, probably closer to $200.
I really hope that my years of work will someday payoff.
Ok, not really since I have physical chemistry this fall, but you get the idea.
Actually today was one of those kind of meh days. I DID manage to find my Green Tea ice cream that I had been looking for in vain for the last two weeks; however I am slightly disappointed. It tastes more like soy milk than it does like green tea. Frankly, I would rather have regular ice cream and then have some green tea afterwards or something like that.
I'm kind of blah with it being so close to the end of the semester, that I am just drained, more or less. I have my take home test to do over the next two days, and that should not be much difficulty. After finishing it, I should be somewhere around a guaranteed 81% in the class, and I would only have to get a 65% on the final to get an A in the class. After that, I'll be working most of the rest of the summer in the LTC, getting it set up for this fall. I'm going to hope for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings for work, but I'll probably only get like 4 hours of week per week again, which will be disappointing.
At least I get paid though, which is not disappointing at all. I've been really needing to make some money, especially to pay for my school books. I know I'm going to have to spend at least $100 more, probably closer to $200.
I really hope that my years of work will someday payoff.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
It's Sunday morning, and I am avoiding doing anything school related, so that requires an additional posting on blogger.
My last couple of days have not been too busy. Well, that's a lie, Friday was. We didn't have a lot of patients that night, but we had a LOT of just downright annoying people. There was this one lady (a visitor, not a patient) that we were about to have removed from the hospital. We're increasingly finding that the recovery room isn't doing their job properly, because the charge people want to go home, so whoever is charge over there has been sending patients back with pain levels of 10+ (basically, uncontrolled sobbing, screaming, sering pain), sending some back that are in completely confused states because of the drugs, etc. The surgeons haven't been doing wonders recently either, though these seem to be the old windbags that think that doing htings the same way they did them 20 years ago works. Not putting a block in someone's arm on a serious ortho surgery on the arm is one of those things that surgeons should not be doing. Apparently the anesthesiologist really wanted to put one in, but the old bag said no. Ass.
I hope when he has major surgery, someone doesn't put a block in his arm or leg.
Essentially, we were there until about 11 PM. This week, I should have some time to go down there and get my permanent badge, assuming that the people there don't try to kill me. I think next month I have some kind of training thing again.
Saturday was really a seriously blah day. I was so tired and worn out from Friday that I basically floated around the house like some kind of zombie. I did nothing productive, pretty much went nowhere...except King Soopers, because I REALLY wanted some gelatto, and the library to pick up a few things.
One thing I love about Saturdays is that at 9:30, Lidia Bastianich is on with Lidia's Italy, and that food just looks so temptuous that I am basically salivating. She makes anything sound good. She could make you want to eat bugs the way she describes the food.
Today, I am utterly lacking in any motivation, which is bad, considering that physics beckons. I have two homeworks to turn in tomorrow, when I get my take-home test for Wednesday. I think I'll go in a little early, so that way, I can get the take-home, and I can leave somewhat early. Like two hours, maybe.
But seriously, omg. I only have 4 more sessions of physics left until I am physics-less for like eternity. That's 16 hours on the surface, but the final exam will take 2.5 hours, so that knocks things down to 13.5 hours, and I'll leave an hour early for the other three days, so really, I'm down to like 10 hours of physics. Seven after tomorrow.
If I could finish it this week, by just going in on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday for four hours each day, I would definitely do it.
I get paid this Friday! Serious yayness.
So now I'm going to go get my school books for this semester on half.com. Hopefully, I won't be paying $1000 dollars, like I would be at school.
My last couple of days have not been too busy. Well, that's a lie, Friday was. We didn't have a lot of patients that night, but we had a LOT of just downright annoying people. There was this one lady (a visitor, not a patient) that we were about to have removed from the hospital. We're increasingly finding that the recovery room isn't doing their job properly, because the charge people want to go home, so whoever is charge over there has been sending patients back with pain levels of 10+ (basically, uncontrolled sobbing, screaming, sering pain), sending some back that are in completely confused states because of the drugs, etc. The surgeons haven't been doing wonders recently either, though these seem to be the old windbags that think that doing htings the same way they did them 20 years ago works. Not putting a block in someone's arm on a serious ortho surgery on the arm is one of those things that surgeons should not be doing. Apparently the anesthesiologist really wanted to put one in, but the old bag said no. Ass.
I hope when he has major surgery, someone doesn't put a block in his arm or leg.
Essentially, we were there until about 11 PM. This week, I should have some time to go down there and get my permanent badge, assuming that the people there don't try to kill me. I think next month I have some kind of training thing again.
Saturday was really a seriously blah day. I was so tired and worn out from Friday that I basically floated around the house like some kind of zombie. I did nothing productive, pretty much went nowhere...except King Soopers, because I REALLY wanted some gelatto, and the library to pick up a few things.
One thing I love about Saturdays is that at 9:30, Lidia Bastianich is on with Lidia's Italy, and that food just looks so temptuous that I am basically salivating. She makes anything sound good. She could make you want to eat bugs the way she describes the food.
Today, I am utterly lacking in any motivation, which is bad, considering that physics beckons. I have two homeworks to turn in tomorrow, when I get my take-home test for Wednesday. I think I'll go in a little early, so that way, I can get the take-home, and I can leave somewhat early. Like two hours, maybe.
But seriously, omg. I only have 4 more sessions of physics left until I am physics-less for like eternity. That's 16 hours on the surface, but the final exam will take 2.5 hours, so that knocks things down to 13.5 hours, and I'll leave an hour early for the other three days, so really, I'm down to like 10 hours of physics. Seven after tomorrow.
If I could finish it this week, by just going in on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday for four hours each day, I would definitely do it.
I get paid this Friday! Serious yayness.
So now I'm going to go get my school books for this semester on half.com. Hopefully, I won't be paying $1000 dollars, like I would be at school.
Friday, July 20, 2007
It's Friday, and I'm blah yet again.
I really wish that something would just happen, you know? Well, I guess I'll get my wish soon enough, considering that I get my take home physics test on Monday. I'm frankly tired of physics. I've gone through 11 sessions of physics, and now that we're down to 4, things are really not winding down as much as they should be. We still have chapters 27, 28, 29, and 30 to cover in the next two weeks, and when it's two weeks from today, I'll be ridiculously happy.
Good news is that I might be picking up another couple of hours per week at work, which would make my total every week about 8 hours, which is really close to $100 per week. Ok, not really. It's like $75/week.
I'm supposed to close work at 1 PM, but there's someone here doing work, so I have to stay open a little longer. Grr.
Not to mention that I have work tonight, and chances are really good that I'll be pulling a 6 hour shift. I'm hoping that fewer people decided to have surgeries this weekend with Harry Potter coming out tonight. I think I might bring my Arabic notebook, and practice my words or something as we dwindle down to the final patients.
I turn 20 in a little over a month. Damn. I'm old.
I mean, seriously. I'm going to be about 1/5 of the way done with my life, and I've only learned two languages, some really basic-easily forgotten stuff in a third, and about 200 words of Arabic. I have no college degrees yet, though I'm going to start getting REALLY close this year. I mean, I'll seriously be done with at least one major (hopefully 2), and probably my one minor by the end of this year. I would have to take Phys. Chem II, Biochem II, my History thesis, a History elective, and Spanish Lit. Analysis to be done with those three things. I just might do that to have some sense of accomplishment.
In any regards, I don't think I've done enough with my brain so far in my life. In like two years, I start losing brain cells every year. They die, and they're gone. The connections they made to other cells, the intricate network begins to break down. I'm hoping to stave off cellular death by keeping myself active mentally. Learning languages, doing crosswords, and sudoku are supposed to help with that.
I just don't know.
I really wish that something would just happen, you know? Well, I guess I'll get my wish soon enough, considering that I get my take home physics test on Monday. I'm frankly tired of physics. I've gone through 11 sessions of physics, and now that we're down to 4, things are really not winding down as much as they should be. We still have chapters 27, 28, 29, and 30 to cover in the next two weeks, and when it's two weeks from today, I'll be ridiculously happy.
Good news is that I might be picking up another couple of hours per week at work, which would make my total every week about 8 hours, which is really close to $100 per week. Ok, not really. It's like $75/week.
I'm supposed to close work at 1 PM, but there's someone here doing work, so I have to stay open a little longer. Grr.
Not to mention that I have work tonight, and chances are really good that I'll be pulling a 6 hour shift. I'm hoping that fewer people decided to have surgeries this weekend with Harry Potter coming out tonight. I think I might bring my Arabic notebook, and practice my words or something as we dwindle down to the final patients.
I turn 20 in a little over a month. Damn. I'm old.
I mean, seriously. I'm going to be about 1/5 of the way done with my life, and I've only learned two languages, some really basic-easily forgotten stuff in a third, and about 200 words of Arabic. I have no college degrees yet, though I'm going to start getting REALLY close this year. I mean, I'll seriously be done with at least one major (hopefully 2), and probably my one minor by the end of this year. I would have to take Phys. Chem II, Biochem II, my History thesis, a History elective, and Spanish Lit. Analysis to be done with those three things. I just might do that to have some sense of accomplishment.
In any regards, I don't think I've done enough with my brain so far in my life. In like two years, I start losing brain cells every year. They die, and they're gone. The connections they made to other cells, the intricate network begins to break down. I'm hoping to stave off cellular death by keeping myself active mentally. Learning languages, doing crosswords, and sudoku are supposed to help with that.
I just don't know.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Well, the last couple of days have been ok, I suppose. I'm getting more hours in at work, since the Spanish people asked me to come in on Mondays and Tuesdays now, so that's another couple of hours, so I should get about 8 per week now.
I got a 97.2 on my last Physics test. Slightly disappointing, because I would have liked something really big so I can slack on the final, but it doesn't look like I can have that.
These people behind our house keep setting off these really loud fireworks, and I really want them to shut the fuck up right now. Fucking frustrating to hear that shit this time of night. Plus, it's like the 18th of July, this day means like nothing in history.
May I repeat myself? SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THE FIREWORKS.
Ok, so that was my short rant.
Oh, on the physics test, I am somewhat happy, because I heard the really annoying bitch who talks all the time say "this is total bullshit". Ha ha ha. That means she must have done badly, and I can go, "hell yeah, puta".
So my Arabic program is going ok. I'm getting a lot of vocab, which I'm trying to integrate into my sentences, so now I'm talking in three languages at a time. I can see where some words have language relationships. For example, the Spanish word for rice (arroz) comes from the Arabic word (rozz). The colors aren't related at all, really. However, orange is really close between Arabic and Greek. In Greek, orange is "Portucali" and in Arabic it's "bortughaali" I know it doesn't look really similar, but in Arabic, based on what I've seen, the "b" and the "p" really aren't that different. Like, grapefruit in Arabic is "gereib firuut" and that spelling sounds just like the English word.
If the second CD on this pack looks promising, I might buy the full pack. It's like $19.99 at Best Buy for 5 CD's. I'll definitely consider getting the Italian one too, because that one will be really easy to learn, considering I've already got one and a half Romance languages down pat (English is half Romance), I've already had exposure to the original Romance language, and I start another one this semester.
Yay for languages!
I got a 97.2 on my last Physics test. Slightly disappointing, because I would have liked something really big so I can slack on the final, but it doesn't look like I can have that.
These people behind our house keep setting off these really loud fireworks, and I really want them to shut the fuck up right now. Fucking frustrating to hear that shit this time of night. Plus, it's like the 18th of July, this day means like nothing in history.
May I repeat myself? SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THE FIREWORKS.
Ok, so that was my short rant.
Oh, on the physics test, I am somewhat happy, because I heard the really annoying bitch who talks all the time say "this is total bullshit". Ha ha ha. That means she must have done badly, and I can go, "hell yeah, puta".
So my Arabic program is going ok. I'm getting a lot of vocab, which I'm trying to integrate into my sentences, so now I'm talking in three languages at a time. I can see where some words have language relationships. For example, the Spanish word for rice (arroz) comes from the Arabic word (rozz). The colors aren't related at all, really. However, orange is really close between Arabic and Greek. In Greek, orange is "Portucali" and in Arabic it's "bortughaali" I know it doesn't look really similar, but in Arabic, based on what I've seen, the "b" and the "p" really aren't that different. Like, grapefruit in Arabic is "gereib firuut" and that spelling sounds just like the English word.
If the second CD on this pack looks promising, I might buy the full pack. It's like $19.99 at Best Buy for 5 CD's. I'll definitely consider getting the Italian one too, because that one will be really easy to learn, considering I've already got one and a half Romance languages down pat (English is half Romance), I've already had exposure to the original Romance language, and I start another one this semester.
Yay for languages!
Monday, July 16, 2007
Yays and Nays
Yays: 1) Physics test is over
2) I'm teaching myself Arabic. I have a vocabulary of like 40 words now. Hooah!
3) After tonight, I can at least count to ten in five languages (ENG, SPA, ITA, JAP, ARA)
4) Putumayo. I have three more CD's in at the library
5) There are only 5 days left of Physics (SERIOUSLY? Seriously.)
6) I start working 6 hours a week this week, meaning my income goes up.
7) Reduced workload means I can hopefully go to Denver soon to see Pearl.
8) My volume of things is decreasing.
9) My credit card is almost totally paid off.
10) I think I can still do all of my science stuff and learn like 100 languages. Like Tolkein.
11) Arabic's vocal structure is REALLY similar to Spanish's vocal structure.
Nays: 1) Physics test bit me in the ass
2) I don't really feel like I'm accomplishing anything right now.
3) It's too late tonight to watch Amelie
4) Pretty much everyone I know got to go on a real vacation, and I went to Missouri.
5) I'm tired.
6) I hate being more or less poor.
2) I'm teaching myself Arabic. I have a vocabulary of like 40 words now. Hooah!
3) After tonight, I can at least count to ten in five languages (ENG, SPA, ITA, JAP, ARA)
4) Putumayo. I have three more CD's in at the library
5) There are only 5 days left of Physics (SERIOUSLY? Seriously.)
6) I start working 6 hours a week this week, meaning my income goes up.
7) Reduced workload means I can hopefully go to Denver soon to see Pearl.
8) My volume of things is decreasing.
9) My credit card is almost totally paid off.
10) I think I can still do all of my science stuff and learn like 100 languages. Like Tolkein.
11) Arabic's vocal structure is REALLY similar to Spanish's vocal structure.
Nays: 1) Physics test bit me in the ass
2) I don't really feel like I'm accomplishing anything right now.
3) It's too late tonight to watch Amelie
4) Pretty much everyone I know got to go on a real vacation, and I went to Missouri.
5) I'm tired.
6) I hate being more or less poor.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Catching up on blogging.
Putumayo is absolutely AMAZING music. Right now, I'm listening to the music of the Caribbean, and it's making me forget my physics test tomorrow.
It should not be too disconcerting, based on what I have heard about these tests. Supposedly the first test last semester was really hard, and the next three were really easy. I don't really care at this point, because I only have three weeks left of this class and then I am totally done with physics for forever, hopefully. My 103.2% on my first test has given me some leeway towards the coming exams. I'm still sincerely hoping that I can just complete the class without killing someone at this point. There are only six classes left, but each one is four hours long. Except test days, which are much shorter because we lecture for about an hour and a half and then do the test, so really, I can whack off about 6 hours. Meaning that I have about 18 hours left of physics in my life.
BLAH.
Anyways, I've been a bad updater. We managed on Thursday to stay off non-kosher topics, which makes me extremely happy. However, the presence of clergy was still incredibly uncomfortable. I felt on the edge of judgment at all times, and I was prepard to be incredibly defensive.
Friday was far better than Thursday. In the morning, I actually had people come into the LTC for language help, and I'm going to be helping them on Tuesday too. Which means that right now, I get to work 6 hours paid per week, which doesn't sound like a lot, but is enough to get me through the week. Plus, I have managed to revive my bank account a little bit. With last month's pay, I'm paying off about 3/4 of my credit card balance for this month, but unfortunately, it's about the same as my charges for this month, so basically, I'm not really doing much.
My books are going to be super expensive this semester. Fortunately, a friend from my ochem class last semester is letting me borrow her genetics book, so that I don't have to buy one. Yay. That actually knocks off about $200 worth of a book, dropping my semester payment for books to something like $900. Ridiculous, I know.
However, when one takes 29 hours, I suppose he should expect these things.
In addition to such good news on Friday, at work that night, I found out that I can get certified to be a translator for the hospital during my shift and get paid like $10 for every family for which I translate during my shift. Hot. The certification class only costs $25 for those with extensive Spanish experience, and I think that given that I've had about 12 years of Spanish, that it should could as adequate experience. What also is super hot, is that I got to do a fair bit of translating last night, and my last patient of the night overheard me and said that I did a great job on such short notice. By the way, she speaks 5 languages. FIVE. I wish I spoke five languages. Unfortunately, I can only speak 2 with any competence; however, I am starting my THIRD langauge that can be used for communication this semester.
Ray the trilingual. Has a nice ring, I think. But not as good as Ray the billionlingual.
I suppose I should study or something now.
It should not be too disconcerting, based on what I have heard about these tests. Supposedly the first test last semester was really hard, and the next three were really easy. I don't really care at this point, because I only have three weeks left of this class and then I am totally done with physics for forever, hopefully. My 103.2% on my first test has given me some leeway towards the coming exams. I'm still sincerely hoping that I can just complete the class without killing someone at this point. There are only six classes left, but each one is four hours long. Except test days, which are much shorter because we lecture for about an hour and a half and then do the test, so really, I can whack off about 6 hours. Meaning that I have about 18 hours left of physics in my life.
BLAH.
Anyways, I've been a bad updater. We managed on Thursday to stay off non-kosher topics, which makes me extremely happy. However, the presence of clergy was still incredibly uncomfortable. I felt on the edge of judgment at all times, and I was prepard to be incredibly defensive.
Friday was far better than Thursday. In the morning, I actually had people come into the LTC for language help, and I'm going to be helping them on Tuesday too. Which means that right now, I get to work 6 hours paid per week, which doesn't sound like a lot, but is enough to get me through the week. Plus, I have managed to revive my bank account a little bit. With last month's pay, I'm paying off about 3/4 of my credit card balance for this month, but unfortunately, it's about the same as my charges for this month, so basically, I'm not really doing much.
My books are going to be super expensive this semester. Fortunately, a friend from my ochem class last semester is letting me borrow her genetics book, so that I don't have to buy one. Yay. That actually knocks off about $200 worth of a book, dropping my semester payment for books to something like $900. Ridiculous, I know.
However, when one takes 29 hours, I suppose he should expect these things.
In addition to such good news on Friday, at work that night, I found out that I can get certified to be a translator for the hospital during my shift and get paid like $10 for every family for which I translate during my shift. Hot. The certification class only costs $25 for those with extensive Spanish experience, and I think that given that I've had about 12 years of Spanish, that it should could as adequate experience. What also is super hot, is that I got to do a fair bit of translating last night, and my last patient of the night overheard me and said that I did a great job on such short notice. By the way, she speaks 5 languages. FIVE. I wish I spoke five languages. Unfortunately, I can only speak 2 with any competence; however, I am starting my THIRD langauge that can be used for communication this semester.
Ray the trilingual. Has a nice ring, I think. But not as good as Ray the billionlingual.
I suppose I should study or something now.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
My materials for my mongo salad are set: I've got spinach, broccoli, yellow pepper, sliced almonds, cucumber, scallions, lettuce, and carrots. I'll be whipping up a balsamic vinaigrette with it, and I have some salmon for the side, plus my soygurt and my berries.
Angela Gheorghiu is AMAZING. She's so expressive, it's utterly AMAZING. Fantabulousness=Angela Gheorghiu.
So is Spider-Pig.
I'm not ready for my interrogation series. I think I'll dissuade religious discussion by asking about books, music, cultural themes, television, and other pop culture forms. If it comes up, I have no problem discussing genetics, cellular mechanics, opera, historical trends of Stalinist states, English history, and any of the like. BUT NOTHING REGARDING THEOLOGY OR PHILOSOPHY. I refuse to discuss ideas. Literature, yes. I can blab about Gabriel Garcia Marquez or Maxine Hong Kingston all day.
I miss solitude at home, and companionship away.
Angela Gheorghiu is AMAZING. She's so expressive, it's utterly AMAZING. Fantabulousness=Angela Gheorghiu.
So is Spider-Pig.
I'm not ready for my interrogation series. I think I'll dissuade religious discussion by asking about books, music, cultural themes, television, and other pop culture forms. If it comes up, I have no problem discussing genetics, cellular mechanics, opera, historical trends of Stalinist states, English history, and any of the like. BUT NOTHING REGARDING THEOLOGY OR PHILOSOPHY. I refuse to discuss ideas. Literature, yes. I can blab about Gabriel Garcia Marquez or Maxine Hong Kingston all day.
I miss solitude at home, and companionship away.
Monday, July 9, 2007
Desires
I have so many right now, mostly travel and education based. First off, I desire some sort of hurry-upping (if that's a word...ok, it's not) on the whole physics front. Granted, we're more than half done with the class, 53.3% to be exactish, I would like to have more grades. Of course, I should beware of what I ask for, because I have two tests in the next two weeks. SPEAKING OF TESTS. I got a 103.2% on my first test, which is supposedly the only hard one in the class. Um. Hell yeah.
Take that, stupid whiny class bitches. I don't say anything and I get higher than all y'all fools.
So, I've been thinking about dropping Analytical Chemistry, but every time I do, I realize that I probably need it if I want to get the stupid major. The stupid course listings are being a prick, so I dunno. I don't know how much value there is in it, but it's not as if I could take another chem course.
Travel desires. Omg. I have looked on Expedia and orbitz and a flight to Costa Rica during winter or spring break (I can never remember which) is like $500, and there's one to Puerto Rico for $400, but it is the day after I get done with physics. Plus, I have no money, which is a problem. I've been thinking abour taking a little road trip to Montana/Idaho/British Columbia/Alberta, but then I realized it would take me three days of driving just to get to Vancouver Island to see the orcas (maybe), and three days back, which leaves me like no time to do what I want. Then I was thinking about doing a week in New Mexico, but it's NM, so it's really like 4 days. I want to do something exciting. Alas, I have no money.
BLAH.
Take that, stupid whiny class bitches. I don't say anything and I get higher than all y'all fools.
So, I've been thinking about dropping Analytical Chemistry, but every time I do, I realize that I probably need it if I want to get the stupid major. The stupid course listings are being a prick, so I dunno. I don't know how much value there is in it, but it's not as if I could take another chem course.
Travel desires. Omg. I have looked on Expedia and orbitz and a flight to Costa Rica during winter or spring break (I can never remember which) is like $500, and there's one to Puerto Rico for $400, but it is the day after I get done with physics. Plus, I have no money, which is a problem. I've been thinking abour taking a little road trip to Montana/Idaho/British Columbia/Alberta, but then I realized it would take me three days of driving just to get to Vancouver Island to see the orcas (maybe), and three days back, which leaves me like no time to do what I want. Then I was thinking about doing a week in New Mexico, but it's NM, so it's really like 4 days. I want to do something exciting. Alas, I have no money.
BLAH.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Omg. I've been reading my old blogs, and I'm surprised I ever made a decision in my life. The process of schedule making is at best chaotic. However, this I already knew. Transferring to UCCS was not that helpful in clarifying my chaotic nature, because at Regis, I had to get permission for the classes for which I wanted to register, and permission to change any classes once I registered. Here, I only have to ask for permission to exceed 21 hours, and considering that I don't have to convince the dean to let me go over 21, that's not really an issue. I can even register for classes for which I don't have the prerequisites and all that crap. I think I change my schedule every semester at least 20 times. Maybe more.
But, I mean besides classes, I cannot make a stable decision for the life of me. Except a few, like how much I gated my old roommate. That one will pretty much never change.
But really, I mean, I read my old blogs, and I think, who the hell is that?
They're like some kind of historical record of historical historicities of my personality.
I have the Memoirs of a Geisha soundtrack from my sister from the library which=fantabulous.
Today, I went on a six hour drive, and my legs are therefore numb.
My mom got a tea-drip thing the other day, and it's purely fantabulous as well.
My school books right now cost $710 if I get them new through the school...and there are still three classes left (all science classes), so my books would cost around $1000 new. Making my bill around $7000 for next semester. I'm going to take out a couple of loans I think and pay them off myself.
I have physics today, which means I'll probably get my test back. My bad test. My nasty test. The test from hell. I'm going to need E.C. after those tests. We occasionally get some E.C. on the other tests, so I'm hoping for that. Man, that last test sucked.
Stupid E-M.
In other news, my life is lame, namely because half of this post is from last night, but for some reason did not get posted. Boo hiss on that.
I have no money. I need money. I get money on Friday, but only like $90, which is enough to cover my credit card. Yay.
Does anyone want to give me money? Or impart the marvels of physics knowledge onto me?
I'm so ready for the summer semester to be over, except I have 8 more physics sessions. Well, really, I only have 6 1/2 since there are still 3 more tests.
I want tea. Tea is so good that it never ceases to be marvelous.
My dad insisted on making my life miserable. Next week we have some family thing we're doing. I don't mind things until he goes on his "we don't do things as a family" rant. Seriously. That's part of teenage/adultdom. Dad has work, I have school, Erin climbs mountains, whatever.
On more depressing news, my family is not going to Mt. Rushmore, apparently because the Black Hills are ablaze, which means that I get no me time until they go to Disneyland in October.
On even more depressing news, my dad insists on inviting people (i.e. clergy) over to the house who are colon cancers waiting to happen. I mean, seriously, my dad was all "We need to get steaks and potatoes and chips and watermelon" and shit. Talk about two things that are absolutely destructive to the digestive system, steak and potatoes. He was all "you can at least eat the potatoes" while the linings of my digestive system scream in agony. Don't make biology majors, who actually have a clue about healthy practices, eat nasty foods that are bad for them! I'm a person who enjoys 1: Vegetables. 2: Fruit. 3: Olive Oil. 4: Fish courses. Steak and potatoes are not in any of those four categories. Red meat has been shown to cause all kinds of catastrophic cellular damage, from arthritis to colon cancer. Replace it with fish, like salmon or cod, that have high levels of omega-3 fatty acids, which help brain function, and low levels of saturated fats. Potatoes have absolutely no nutritional value. NONE. It's starch. If you want starch, eat a healthy plate of wheat pasta, topped with olive oil (which lowers cholesterol and increases cell membrane strength) and a nice side of greens. Watermelon is the most unhealthy of fruits, containing only sugar, water, and a small amount of nutrients. Replace it with berries that are high in anti-oxidants. Vegetables are crucial to any success in longevity. Broccoli and spinach and even asparagus are critical in maintaining a healthy body, filled with powerful anti-oxidants, essential minerals, and INCREDIBLY LOW in calories. If you cook vegetables, cook them with OLIVE OIL and not butter or margarine (the worst fat possible, due to high concentrations of trans-fat). They're also in the process of causing me to get ulcers out of sheer stress. I'm going to get "THE QUESTION" followed by an interrogation sequence regarding metaphysics. If it were just me and no family around, I would be blunt as hell, however, with family around, one must be diplomatic. I might enjoy crying this week. Alas, I have two years until I can go someplace completely other.
As you can tell, I'm thinking about cutting out poultry from my diet. Or at least SERIOUSLY restricting it to where it's like once every two days.
I am seriously hoping that my boss emails me and says, "I need you to work 14 hours a day for the rest of summer".
OMG. I figured out why my cell bio scared me so much this semester. I watched "A Streetcar Named Desire" on PBS last Saturday, since it's like the most AMAZING American play in the history of forever, and there was this scene where Stanley (Marlon Brando) yells at Blanche (Vivian Leigh) to turn off the radio, and there's this split second where his face is just kind of calm, and I screamed, because except for the nose, he looks just like Mr. Cell Bio. I had a cow, basically. No wonder I was freaked out, I expected him to bust loose wailing on any person at any time.
I need to get ready for school now.
But, I mean besides classes, I cannot make a stable decision for the life of me. Except a few, like how much I gated my old roommate. That one will pretty much never change.
But really, I mean, I read my old blogs, and I think, who the hell is that?
They're like some kind of historical record of historical historicities of my personality.
I have the Memoirs of a Geisha soundtrack from my sister from the library which=fantabulous.
Today, I went on a six hour drive, and my legs are therefore numb.
My mom got a tea-drip thing the other day, and it's purely fantabulous as well.
My school books right now cost $710 if I get them new through the school...and there are still three classes left (all science classes), so my books would cost around $1000 new. Making my bill around $7000 for next semester. I'm going to take out a couple of loans I think and pay them off myself.
I have physics today, which means I'll probably get my test back. My bad test. My nasty test. The test from hell. I'm going to need E.C. after those tests. We occasionally get some E.C. on the other tests, so I'm hoping for that. Man, that last test sucked.
Stupid E-M.
In other news, my life is lame, namely because half of this post is from last night, but for some reason did not get posted. Boo hiss on that.
I have no money. I need money. I get money on Friday, but only like $90, which is enough to cover my credit card. Yay.
Does anyone want to give me money? Or impart the marvels of physics knowledge onto me?
I'm so ready for the summer semester to be over, except I have 8 more physics sessions. Well, really, I only have 6 1/2 since there are still 3 more tests.
I want tea. Tea is so good that it never ceases to be marvelous.
My dad insisted on making my life miserable. Next week we have some family thing we're doing. I don't mind things until he goes on his "we don't do things as a family" rant. Seriously. That's part of teenage/adultdom. Dad has work, I have school, Erin climbs mountains, whatever.
On more depressing news, my family is not going to Mt. Rushmore, apparently because the Black Hills are ablaze, which means that I get no me time until they go to Disneyland in October.
On even more depressing news, my dad insists on inviting people (i.e. clergy) over to the house who are colon cancers waiting to happen. I mean, seriously, my dad was all "We need to get steaks and potatoes and chips and watermelon" and shit. Talk about two things that are absolutely destructive to the digestive system, steak and potatoes. He was all "you can at least eat the potatoes" while the linings of my digestive system scream in agony. Don't make biology majors, who actually have a clue about healthy practices, eat nasty foods that are bad for them! I'm a person who enjoys 1: Vegetables. 2: Fruit. 3: Olive Oil. 4: Fish courses. Steak and potatoes are not in any of those four categories. Red meat has been shown to cause all kinds of catastrophic cellular damage, from arthritis to colon cancer. Replace it with fish, like salmon or cod, that have high levels of omega-3 fatty acids, which help brain function, and low levels of saturated fats. Potatoes have absolutely no nutritional value. NONE. It's starch. If you want starch, eat a healthy plate of wheat pasta, topped with olive oil (which lowers cholesterol and increases cell membrane strength) and a nice side of greens. Watermelon is the most unhealthy of fruits, containing only sugar, water, and a small amount of nutrients. Replace it with berries that are high in anti-oxidants. Vegetables are crucial to any success in longevity. Broccoli and spinach and even asparagus are critical in maintaining a healthy body, filled with powerful anti-oxidants, essential minerals, and INCREDIBLY LOW in calories. If you cook vegetables, cook them with OLIVE OIL and not butter or margarine (the worst fat possible, due to high concentrations of trans-fat). They're also in the process of causing me to get ulcers out of sheer stress. I'm going to get "THE QUESTION" followed by an interrogation sequence regarding metaphysics. If it were just me and no family around, I would be blunt as hell, however, with family around, one must be diplomatic. I might enjoy crying this week. Alas, I have two years until I can go someplace completely other.
As you can tell, I'm thinking about cutting out poultry from my diet. Or at least SERIOUSLY restricting it to where it's like once every two days.
I am seriously hoping that my boss emails me and says, "I need you to work 14 hours a day for the rest of summer".
OMG. I figured out why my cell bio scared me so much this semester. I watched "A Streetcar Named Desire" on PBS last Saturday, since it's like the most AMAZING American play in the history of forever, and there was this scene where Stanley (Marlon Brando) yells at Blanche (Vivian Leigh) to turn off the radio, and there's this split second where his face is just kind of calm, and I screamed, because except for the nose, he looks just like Mr. Cell Bio. I had a cow, basically. No wonder I was freaked out, I expected him to bust loose wailing on any person at any time.
I need to get ready for school now.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
I need to not read the blogs of pensive people doing pensive things.
However, reading it has given me some newfound sense of confidence, something which has not been lacking at all recently.....ha ha hah.
I'm like this anti-Hegelian nightmare. Anytime there's an anti-thesis to an idea of mine, I take my idea to extremes. I consider myself generally moderate, politically, economically, etc. However, on more fundamental and personal levels, I'm like some kind of computer. I'm either on or off.
There are some things I hope to keep off completely. Zealous connection to any ideology is dangerous. I've gone through so many psycho zealot stages in my life it's not even funny, and I think that's part of the awkwardness of youth. The last two years have been particularly difficult in figuring that common level out to a smart compromise. I have gone from religious zealot to religious apathist. I think apathy is an acceptable middle ground, especially when for like 6 months, I was highly reactionary to anything with any kind of religious sentiment. That second semester at Regis was a nightmare with regards to irrational thinking. Both semesters were, really. I boiled things down to two simples, the first semester was the permanence of established religious order and the second was the corruption of religious order. Nothing else really mattered those two semesters, which is incredibly disappointing. What a waste of time, to go from someone of intense talents to someone embroiled in just one thing.
My discussions were founded on the basis of anger, and now, my objections can be based on evidence.
Some things are constant extremes, like my level of prudishness and my commitment to academic excellence. Those are hand-in-hand things for me. I see myself like some kind of academic Samson, where any social interaction beyond proper limits is tanamount to taking out my brains.
The Renaissance era is my major inspiration. Men like da Vinci, More, Erasmus, and women like the Medicis, and the Tudor princesses were people of incredible intellectual skill, founded in the sciences, arts, mathematics, logic, and politics. There was nothign that these people could not do intellectually, and I want to be one of those people. In a world so segmented, so specialized, there is no room for the Renaissance man to thrive.
My last semesters have been far more productive than my two semesters at Regis. I will have completed 73 hours in a little over a year, and if I add in next semester, I'm up to 102 in 5 semesters, which is an average of over 20 hours per semester. I've been able to look at ideas from all kinds of angles, to no end.
I think I'm on the edge of something magnificent, like everything I've ever done academically will finally mean something to me. As if the vibrance of my academic diversity will pay off. That sacrificing literally every other aspect of my life is going to reward me.
Karma is a fundamental error, and my optimism is not well founded. I feel these things, as if I'm going to stumble upon something great, but at the same time, we know Ray's opinions on how much things matter (In the end, nothing matters, because for the sake of sanity, I cannot acknowledge an afterlife).
If anything, I'm closer to the edge of pure insanity than I am on pure discovery. My rates of paranoia are increasing. I'm essentially trapped inside now-I fear the presence of ultraviolet radiation dimerizing my cytosines and mutating my DNA, PDA's in second-hand smoke that similarly bind to DNA and discontort it, HNE90's in fried foods that cause Alzheimers, telomere degradation, chlorines in sucralose. I haven't been outside more than 10 minutes at a time in the last 3 months. I'm starting to get more and more panic attacks. Containing them is also growing increasingly difficult. On average, I get about 10 a day, and I can feel my heart beat increasing and my sweat glands producing every drop of water that they can make, followed by rapid temperature fluctuations, and the sensation of pure terror, as if whatever is going on in that second is going to threaten my very survival.
However, reading it has given me some newfound sense of confidence, something which has not been lacking at all recently.....ha ha hah.
I'm like this anti-Hegelian nightmare. Anytime there's an anti-thesis to an idea of mine, I take my idea to extremes. I consider myself generally moderate, politically, economically, etc. However, on more fundamental and personal levels, I'm like some kind of computer. I'm either on or off.
There are some things I hope to keep off completely. Zealous connection to any ideology is dangerous. I've gone through so many psycho zealot stages in my life it's not even funny, and I think that's part of the awkwardness of youth. The last two years have been particularly difficult in figuring that common level out to a smart compromise. I have gone from religious zealot to religious apathist. I think apathy is an acceptable middle ground, especially when for like 6 months, I was highly reactionary to anything with any kind of religious sentiment. That second semester at Regis was a nightmare with regards to irrational thinking. Both semesters were, really. I boiled things down to two simples, the first semester was the permanence of established religious order and the second was the corruption of religious order. Nothing else really mattered those two semesters, which is incredibly disappointing. What a waste of time, to go from someone of intense talents to someone embroiled in just one thing.
My discussions were founded on the basis of anger, and now, my objections can be based on evidence.
Some things are constant extremes, like my level of prudishness and my commitment to academic excellence. Those are hand-in-hand things for me. I see myself like some kind of academic Samson, where any social interaction beyond proper limits is tanamount to taking out my brains.
The Renaissance era is my major inspiration. Men like da Vinci, More, Erasmus, and women like the Medicis, and the Tudor princesses were people of incredible intellectual skill, founded in the sciences, arts, mathematics, logic, and politics. There was nothign that these people could not do intellectually, and I want to be one of those people. In a world so segmented, so specialized, there is no room for the Renaissance man to thrive.
My last semesters have been far more productive than my two semesters at Regis. I will have completed 73 hours in a little over a year, and if I add in next semester, I'm up to 102 in 5 semesters, which is an average of over 20 hours per semester. I've been able to look at ideas from all kinds of angles, to no end.
I think I'm on the edge of something magnificent, like everything I've ever done academically will finally mean something to me. As if the vibrance of my academic diversity will pay off. That sacrificing literally every other aspect of my life is going to reward me.
Karma is a fundamental error, and my optimism is not well founded. I feel these things, as if I'm going to stumble upon something great, but at the same time, we know Ray's opinions on how much things matter (In the end, nothing matters, because for the sake of sanity, I cannot acknowledge an afterlife).
If anything, I'm closer to the edge of pure insanity than I am on pure discovery. My rates of paranoia are increasing. I'm essentially trapped inside now-I fear the presence of ultraviolet radiation dimerizing my cytosines and mutating my DNA, PDA's in second-hand smoke that similarly bind to DNA and discontort it, HNE90's in fried foods that cause Alzheimers, telomere degradation, chlorines in sucralose. I haven't been outside more than 10 minutes at a time in the last 3 months. I'm starting to get more and more panic attacks. Containing them is also growing increasingly difficult. On average, I get about 10 a day, and I can feel my heart beat increasing and my sweat glands producing every drop of water that they can make, followed by rapid temperature fluctuations, and the sensation of pure terror, as if whatever is going on in that second is going to threaten my very survival.
So, Ray got a 99% in his Humanities class. A major disappointment, I know. I mean, that one whole point was so much effort lost.
Anyways, I have been a bad updater. I know. I suck at updating now, especially since I'm all "argh, my life is school".
Speaking of school, did you know that like four weeks from today, I have NO school whatsoever? I also will be doen with Physics for the history of forever, which is MASSIVELY exciting. I mean, how hot is it that I would be totally done with physics? It's hot. That's all I have to say about that.
You know what else is hot? This spring, I'll definitely be done with Chemistry major. Like 100% done. As in nothing else left to do. Yeah, I am the bomb. I might be done with my history one too, but I doubt that.
What else?
Oh, yeah, my family is completley ditching me for a week this month. I'm not complaining, as I'll get a good week of solitude and I can have free reign over the kingdom of forever. They're going to Mt. Rushmore, Custer's Last Stand, Yellowstone, Grand Teton, and someplace else. I've already been to two of those, so I'm not going to complain about that either.
Tomorrow, I have to convince my boss to start letting me work more hours every week now. That might be hard. If I don't get anywhere, then I'm going to have to try and find something for the next 7 weeks. Maybe someone who will let me work on the weekends or something. I dunno.
I'm going to try and up my semester load to 29 hours, because I'm thinking about taking French I again. I really want to be trilingual.
Otherwise, nothing to say. Boo hiss.
Anyways, I have been a bad updater. I know. I suck at updating now, especially since I'm all "argh, my life is school".
Speaking of school, did you know that like four weeks from today, I have NO school whatsoever? I also will be doen with Physics for the history of forever, which is MASSIVELY exciting. I mean, how hot is it that I would be totally done with physics? It's hot. That's all I have to say about that.
You know what else is hot? This spring, I'll definitely be done with Chemistry major. Like 100% done. As in nothing else left to do. Yeah, I am the bomb. I might be done with my history one too, but I doubt that.
What else?
Oh, yeah, my family is completley ditching me for a week this month. I'm not complaining, as I'll get a good week of solitude and I can have free reign over the kingdom of forever. They're going to Mt. Rushmore, Custer's Last Stand, Yellowstone, Grand Teton, and someplace else. I've already been to two of those, so I'm not going to complain about that either.
Tomorrow, I have to convince my boss to start letting me work more hours every week now. That might be hard. If I don't get anywhere, then I'm going to have to try and find something for the next 7 weeks. Maybe someone who will let me work on the weekends or something. I dunno.
I'm going to try and up my semester load to 29 hours, because I'm thinking about taking French I again. I really want to be trilingual.
Otherwise, nothing to say. Boo hiss.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Blah
Today has not been a good day for a variety of reasons.
Physics today was not very entertaining. We were on the edge of a massive blow up today with tensions extremely high. Unfortunately, today only marks the halfway point. Then we had the test. Urgh. Not a good test. I studied at least 6 or 7 hours, and just did not feel comfortable with a few of the questions. I just checked online, and I got something really close to one of the questions about which I was uncertain. I'm expecting somewhere between an 80 and a 93 for this test. Kind of meh.
I was really irritated by the bitch that refuses to embrace silence though. She spent at least a half-hour asking the teacher questions, in the middle of a test, about how to do the problems. Why do people do that? Then, when I went to turn in my test, she gave me this look and asked "oh, do you have a question?" in this really sacrastic tone. Here's a question, "why don't you shut the f*$% up you stupid bitch-whore?" I have to put up wit hehr yet AGAIN for A-Chem, and maybe biochem. If I have to have any more classes after that with her, I will unleash hell.
Then this paper has been busting my ass. I've worked on it a good three or fours hours tonight, and I'm not done. I have a second edit done, save some analysis I need to do and some tightening up to make sure I stay under six pages. Plus I have to put in a few citations and then make my works cited page. All in all, I should get my A.
Orinoco Flow is fantabulous.
Physics today was not very entertaining. We were on the edge of a massive blow up today with tensions extremely high. Unfortunately, today only marks the halfway point. Then we had the test. Urgh. Not a good test. I studied at least 6 or 7 hours, and just did not feel comfortable with a few of the questions. I just checked online, and I got something really close to one of the questions about which I was uncertain. I'm expecting somewhere between an 80 and a 93 for this test. Kind of meh.
I was really irritated by the bitch that refuses to embrace silence though. She spent at least a half-hour asking the teacher questions, in the middle of a test, about how to do the problems. Why do people do that? Then, when I went to turn in my test, she gave me this look and asked "oh, do you have a question?" in this really sacrastic tone. Here's a question, "why don't you shut the f*$% up you stupid bitch-whore?" I have to put up wit hehr yet AGAIN for A-Chem, and maybe biochem. If I have to have any more classes after that with her, I will unleash hell.
Then this paper has been busting my ass. I've worked on it a good three or fours hours tonight, and I'm not done. I have a second edit done, save some analysis I need to do and some tightening up to make sure I stay under six pages. Plus I have to put in a few citations and then make my works cited page. All in all, I should get my A.
Orinoco Flow is fantabulous.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Um, this movie is amazing. Go here: http://youtube.com/watch?v=3nLKXxzVqTY. Hayley Westenra is awesomeness, and "O Mio Babbino Caro" is like my favorite aria.
I'm about halfway done with pretty much everything. My paper is half done for Tuesday, which gets me to around a guaranteed B in the class. I'll try to finish my first draft tonight. I always try to get the paper perfect the first time, and I don't really need to because I'll have tomorrow night and Tuesday morning to finish it. I've kind of studied for my physics test. I'm going to do most of it tomorrow morning because between it and the paper I'm going insane.
I think I'll take my shower for tomorrow early tonight, and then just focus on finishing the paper from hell. If I get it done in a couple of hours, then I'll start on my physics exam studying again. Otherwise, I'm pretty much done with physics for tonight.
I'm uber tired.
I'm about halfway done with pretty much everything. My paper is half done for Tuesday, which gets me to around a guaranteed B in the class. I'll try to finish my first draft tonight. I always try to get the paper perfect the first time, and I don't really need to because I'll have tomorrow night and Tuesday morning to finish it. I've kind of studied for my physics test. I'm going to do most of it tomorrow morning because between it and the paper I'm going insane.
I think I'll take my shower for tomorrow early tonight, and then just focus on finishing the paper from hell. If I get it done in a couple of hours, then I'll start on my physics exam studying again. Otherwise, I'm pretty much done with physics for tonight.
I'm uber tired.
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